So I have a new person. Dare I say a better person? Too soon to be sure. Things always start out well, first impressions and all. I think the largest difference between this person and the old person is that this person is willing to put aside time to furthering our relationship, where with the old person I always felt like I was hindering him in so man ways. I'm trying to find something I dislike about the new person. I'm sure there's something there. I don't really wanna go looking for it, because I'm sure I'll find it. For now I'm just enjoying the glow of it all. I still get the warm fuzzy feeling, and I miss it.

The weird thing about it, is that normally I'm the one rushing headlong into the relationship. He's a couple steps ahead of me. I'm trying to learn how to take it slow, but it's kinda hard when you're dealing with someone so eager. You wanna know the incredibly stupid part that's gonna make you think I'm a delusional "in love with love" type teenage girl? It's been three days. Lmao. Infatuation is a BITCH! I'll tell you.

Our schedules are madd inconvenient though. Notttttt even going there.

I'm concerned about the future though. Not like, any extended period of time. I'm not letting myself think that far ahead. I'm talking like two weeks from now. When the getting to know you stage is over? What then? That's when everything gets stagnant and it's like "well what did you eat for breakfast today?" I'd never ever want it to get that bad. I'd rather we just stop talking.

In other news. SAT two Saturdays from now. Applying to Pace, Paine, PSU, DePauls, & probably Cheyney. The end.

Till next time, well....you know the rest.

Let me tell you the truth. People I care about? If they're hurting in any way, I want to know why. I want to know every single detail. If I see someone hurting, I will pep talk the shit out of them. We'll talk about what God put you on this Earth to accomplish. We'll talk about all the wonderful things you've accomplished already. I'll remind you that there are people that love you, and that the only thing permanent in life is change, so anything bad is bound to get better eventually. I'm good at that.

But don't catch me on a bad day. Please God, don't drag your sorry ass to me and expect me to tell you what a beautiful life it is on a bad day. Don't expect me to baby you and take pity on your problems. Fact of the matter is, I don't care. I'm good at taking care of your problems as a defense mechanism. It keeps me from worrying about mine. So what you see as me being giving and selfless? It's a front. It's denial. It's selfish.

I'm selfish. Anything I do is for my own gain, believe me. If I'm telling you I believe in you as an artist and I really think you're going to go far, I'm not lying to you. I'm saying it because I really believe in you as an artist and I want you to go far......so that you can remember all the late night pep talks and loan me some money. Everything I do is about me. Which I actually think is perfectly normal, because it's my life, so who the hell else would it be about?

I've strayed from the moral of the story, which is:

If I'm aware that there's something wrong with you (which I almost always am), and I haven't made any move to pry the truth out of you? I just don't care about you that much. I'm saying this because I don't want there to be any misunderstandings, and I don't want anyone bitching about ulterior motives later.

And anything else I had to say is no longer relevant. G'night.