So uhm...Sunday night/Monday morning (it was like 2:30 my time, 5:30 his, so yeah), I'm talking to Daddy, playing the random question game. And this nigga threw me for a loop. Like, he really showed me how serious he is about this whole little situation we have going. I felt awful. Like, honestly, I'm so into him I spend 95% of my time tryna act like I'm not. So I've been out, acting a fool, doing me, and talking to him when he has the time or whatever. 'Cause he's extra busy, and I don't wanna nag him for attention, so I just go get it from somewhere else.

No more. This nigga almost hurt my feelings that night, I promise you. Like, I don't know. We were on different pages. I see that now. So now I gotta hurry up and get on his.

Aww, he just text me. And I'm wearing my fucking I love my boyfriend tank top that I bought with this nigga in mind.

Do you see why I have to actively try to not look so damn open?

I'm leaving.

Till next time: Positive energy, high hopes, ♥

Haven't blogged in a second. Don't know why I'm doing it now. Got the urge.

I need to be needed. Men in the past have called me dependent. Which isn't the case at all, at least, not in the traditional sense of the word. I don't need a man to take care of me, I don't need a man to provide for me, but I do need to know, all the time, that he needs me in his life. I need to be told that, shown that. I need it. Because if I can't see that he needs me, I don't feel secure in the relationship anymore. He could be fucking with anybody if he doesn't need me. That's the root of it, honestly, insecurity. Yeah, it's something I'm working on, but it's me. If that makes me "dependent" by anyone's definition, then so be it. That's who I am.

Which brings me to the point of females who lie. And I'm not talking about any old lying, cus that's a blog ion eem feel like typing honestly. I'm talking specifically about females who lie in relationships because they don't want to seem a way they actually are. Females that say shit like:

"I don't want to call him, cus I don't want to seem possessive."
"I don't want him to think I'm the jealous type, so I'm not gonna say anything about it."

Bitch? Like...if you are possessive, then be that shit. Flaunt it. If that's you. And if it's something you're ashamed of, or don't like about yourself, fix it. But even in the process of fixing it, you can't be in denial about it. It's extra hard to fix something when you're trying to act like it doesn't even exist. Plus now, you're keeping all this shit bottled up inside, which never works. Eventually, you're gonna snap, and start spoutin off at the mouth about some shit from two and a half months ago, and this niggas gonna be like "omg, she's lost her mind" and leave you cus he thinks you're fucking crazy, which (fortunately for you) is the one thing you're actually not.

And now you've wasted (insert amount of time here) trying not to be something you are, when you could've been finding somebody who appreciated you for all of it. Even your more psycho tendencies. Shame on you.

Which brings me around to this individual I've been talking to for a while. I feel like at this point we're just dancing around some shit that's inevitable. Eventually, it's gonna happen. Even if we both figured out right now that it would never work, I think we're in too deep to walk away. Could you walk away? I couldn't. Just like....stop? I don't think you could. Forgive me if that sounded cocky, but I don't.

Till next time (whenever in the hell that may be)
-A.