The little white blogger box listens better than most. Mood music? Uhm, nothing's coming to mind. I'll post something at the end, maybe. Alright, here we go:

So, I've been flighty lately, which is totally unlike me, you should know. I don't do flighty. Flighty people irritate the hell out of me. I'm very much a firm decision making type of person. I decide what I'm going to do, and I do it. I'm also ridiculously stubborn. If I make a decision, and figure out halfway through that it was the wrong one, I will not change my mind. That's not what I wanted to talk about, though.

I've been trying to make some changes in my life: do things a little differently, be a little more open, a little less shy, let people see me, you know? Most people don't see me, they see what I show them. I'm not sure who that female is that I show y'all, but I'm not sure if I like her anymore, so, I think I'll just revert back to plain ol' me, if you don't mind. Anyway, even though I'm trying to change, habits are a bitch. And so I find myself becoming flighty. Maybe flighty's the wrong word. Wishy-washy is more like it, but I don't think that's really a word at all. Y'all get the point. I'll decide I'm going to do something, and then at the last second, my old habits will rear up and I'll go back to doing the exact same thing that I was doing before. But then I realize I'm doing the same thing I was doing before, and I try to start doing the new thing again. It makes me seem confused, and while I understand confusion is a normal part of life, I'd rather not appear to be confused, to the outside world. My composure is my only defense. I try desperately not to let people see how upset life makes me. I think it works, most times. Everybody has moments.

However, this confusion, in the aspect of relationships (not just romantic, platonic as well), is making it very hard for me to interact socially. I'm naturally a very shy person. I'm absolutely awful at "making friends." How does one even do that? Like, if I see a person's blog who I think is cool, do I just leave a comment like, "Hey, I'm Ashley, I think you're a cool person. We should be friends." Is that okay? Or does that look desperate? See, I don't know, and (as Jay Adams can attest), if I don't know, I won't do anything. I will continue to read said cool person's blog, for a year, and tell all my current friends (who happen to know said cool person) how cool I think they are, until someone forcibly introduces us. Yes, they usually have to hold a gun to my head to make me add you on yahoo messenger, and then, once you're added, I'll say hi once, and then fade into the background of your internet life. I need people to make the first move. Which is bad. Very bad. I need to be able to make the first move. I'm a strong, independent black woman, right? I should be able to introduce myself to people without feeling like a complete idiot, right? Yes, I should.


Yet, somehow, that shit never works.

So, my mission (along with remembering my grammar and proper punctuation, which I think I'm doing fairly well), is to be more assertive in my relationships, and to not be afraid of acknowledging what I need. Also, I need to do whatever it takes to make myself feel like less of an idiot when introducing myself to other people. They need to see my cool. LOL. 'Cause I'm cool, gotdammit!

When I'm not being lame, like in the previous sentence. Lmao. I think that was a very successful pep talk. How come y'all can't be that helpful? Shame. I still love you.



Till Next Time: Positive energy, high hopes, love♥

P.S.: Cassie's bone structure is fucking perfect so she can pull off whatever haircut she wants, physically. My question is, does she have the attitude to pull it off? Only time will tell.