Didn't do much today. We're expecting a snow storm tonight, I havent' looked outside to see if its snowing yet, I should. BRB. Nope, no snow yet. But there was supposed to be a big storm, and the clouds were looking pretty damned threatening, so I ran some errands just in case we get snowed in for the rest of the weekend (only in fucking Oregon.....). Anyway, I put the finishing touches on my birthday outfit (I bought theee most adorable red peacoat), and did some pricing on some other items that need to be paid for. 250 to replace my keyboard, joy. 340 for twins new frames. That'll be a pleasure though. I'd gladly waste a paycheck on that kid.

I also bought books two and three of the twilight series. I don't know why I bought two and three instead of three and four, or two, three, and four. Seeing as I've actually already read two, I didn't really need to actually pay for it. And seeing as I haven't read four, and (as is the case with most series') after I read three, I'd want to read four....well, I should've bought four. But I didn't. I only bought three. And so now, since it doesn't look like its going to snow, tomorrow I'm going to have to go spend twenty more dollars (hard back books are heartbreakingly expensive) to buy four because I feel like I'm not going to be able to sleep until I know how this madness end. Jake left. That hurt my heart. Only because, had I been Bella, I would've chosen Jake. Instantaneously. My only concern would've been the Cullens letting me go, seeing as I knew so much. But they would. Ehh. Whatever, I'll stop being a geek for a moment. Fact of the matter, I need to go buy the fourth.

Its a little after one thirty in the morning. I guess I could be tired, but not so much. I think I'm going to get started on these papers. I've got 16 of them do by Jan 22. Yea, you heard right. Sixteen four page papers due by Jan 22. Two papers per book, 8 books, or I don't graduate. Thats added to my classes, the extention I have to take in my science class (which is, ironically enough, to read another book, and write another paper), writing a stupid essay on the fact that I work a lot, and producing pay stubs to prove that I work a lot, and this weird career packet, which I assume will be talking about.....careers? Ehh, who knows. But I do need to start writing. I mean....Yea.

Its always seemed so weird to me that I can write a cool fifteen hundred word blog like its nothing. Just rambling. But not even rambling, like I can put together 800 well placed words on one topic in this blog. I can write a well written essay, with key points and good sentence structure, and adequate use of my vocabulary. And be writing about real issues, about relationships and psychology and family and music. But when that gotdamn word document opens....its like its teasing me. Its like its saying "Okay, but now it counts, so do something" and I never can. Everything comes out forced, even when its bomb, like the hip hop essay from a while back, its forced. There's always some nasty prerequisite I have to adhere to. Its disgusting. It makes my head hurt to be so focused lol. I like to let my brain scramble around and find the right word for what I'm feeling. Its more natural that way. I like to just keep typing until the words flow easily, and I'm not scrambling for them anymore, thats the best part, when the words start to come easily. Almost like the difference between thinking about the words to a song, and humming them. If that makes any sense.

This is why I always try to blog before I write anything formal. Its like a warm up, like now my fingers are used to flying across the keys and keeping up with my thoughts (even though my poor abused keyboard is having trouble) and I feel like I might be able to knock out a paper or two before the sun comes up. Wish me luck && stuff. Shani, check your email if you haven't already.

-A.