There's so much in my head right now that I've willed myself into believing there's nothing. Have you ever done that? I need a drink. I thought we had alcohol in the house, but I opened the fridge to pour a glass && it was gone. Like an alcoholic, I woke my mother up to ask her where it was. She said she didn't think I needed to drink anymore. She picked now to come to that excellent conclusion. Now, when I need a drink.

Wanna know something funny? I don't drink when we're in a crisis. I thrive on that. I feel like I have something to do. Like I have a reason to wake up in the morning. Like I have a conflict to resolve. I feel needed. I feel productive. Only when something catastrophic is going to happen, do I feel as though life is worth my time. I try my hardest not to start any unnecessary drama though. I'm not a drama starter, I'm not a drama queen. I just enjoy it. I enjoy fixing things when they're broken. But I don't break them. I'm not that bad yet.

Anyway, all the times when my life are good? I drink then. Out of boredom. What the hell is there to do when life is good. Enjoy it? For what? Its just gonna come crashing down in another five minutes. Its not like theres any permanence to life. I'd rather not get attached to the illusion. I'd rather stay in a half drunk haze during the good times, and be fully sober during the bad ones. The bad times make me stronger. I don't really see the point in the good ones.

Wow. That sounded bad. I'd be more cheerful if I had a fucking drink.

Blah. Why did I start blogging? I totally could have skipped this, could've left this spot empty and allowed yall to keep looking at the previous blog (whatever the hell that said, I can't recall) until I had something chipper, and happy to say. But blogs aren't about that, now are they? My blog is about me talking about what I feel.

And I feel like I need a fucking drink.

Its funny how guys are always the ones who tell me to stop drinking. Guys who smoke ALL THE FUCKING TIME. They're the ones that warn me about kidney, or liver, or whatever the hell the alcohol damages, problems. The one on yahoo who's stat is "I'm high as fuck" has the nerve to get mad at me, cus I had a drink. or two. or seven. fuck difference does it make? Somebody out there is smoking a black right now, and itching to tell me that I could do something more productive with my life if I didn't drink so much. Hypocritical to the fucking bone. I hope you get lung cancer.

Ehh. Yea, I really didn't need to start typing. This was a bad idea. I think I'm going to go watch porn and pretend I had something alcoholic to keep me company.

Unless you wanna buy me a drink? ;]
-A.

She would always look in the mirror and she told herself, instead of pointing the finger at other people she would look in the mirror, and she would scold herself, its her fault that her life ain't easy. She would look in the mirror, and compose herself, if she ever needed help in her life she would look in the mirror, and she would hold herself down, so everything would get done right."