Lets get right to it, shall we?

I've never loved anybody but him. There have been people that made me feel comfortable. There have been people who boosted my ego, people that told me all the things I wanted to hear. But there's never been anyone like him. Anyone who took my heart and twisted, just to show me that he could, almost until I hated him, just so he could kiss it and make it better, just to show me that he could. Just to show me that he could make me feel completely better, and make me love him more than anybody else ever could.

So does it come as a surprise to you that a fourteen year old ran from that feeling? Ran as far and as fast as she could? Did everything she could do hurt him because she didn't want anyone to have that much control over her? I was fourteen! I was scared, I was convinced that he wouldn't do anything but hurt me, because if I had that power over someone, thats what I'd do. Coincidentally, I did have that power over him, and thats what I did. But thats not the point.

All this little excursion has shown me is that I pretty much can't do without him. Except for now, I've gotta remind him that he pretty much can't do without me, either. It would suck a whole lot if now that I've finally figured it out, he's over it. But wouldn't that just be life? lol. I can sense that he's very close to being through with me completely.

Blah. My pride doesn't want to have to work for it. Ya know? My pride says, well if he's done, let him be done, I'll find another. My heart doesn't say that. My hearts never said that. I've been listening to my pride for three years, and I think its time for my heart to have a say. I guess its time to put it all on the line. And if it doesn't work out, it'll be because it didn't work out, not because I was too scared to try.

Ehh. I've gotta go pack. I leave Friday. And this whole trip has just become the "go get Bruce back" experiment. Fuck. I'm scared now. No other word. Wish me luck, yea?

In other news: If you take the Can't Believe It video, put it on acid, and give it brighter colors, it becomes the Chopped & Skrewed video. And I've gotta admit, I like chopped & Skrewed better than Can't Believe it.

Goodnight yall
-A.