I'm bothered, & I can't really put my finger on why.

In reference to the last post, I only know I've changed when I talk to people I used to talk to, and I realize that the conversation that used to flow so easily dries up around the time its my turn to speak. Or, more specifically, around the time they have to respond to what I've said. They can't catch up anymore. Or maybe its incomparable. Maybe we're not even talking about the same things anymore. Can't figure it out. Don't need to.

It bothers me that people like to play the hypothetical "what if I was where you are" game over the internet. Doesn't matter. Cus you're not. And you're making no moves to be. No plans to be. You just wanna know what I'm going to say. Then get mad when I'm not in the mood to play the game. What good does it do me to tell you that if you came out here I'd stop my entire life to spend two to three days in complete and total bliss with you? No nigga. If you came out here, you'd realize there wasn't shit to do, so all you'd want to do is fuck. And I'm not fucking you. If you didn't get the memo, I'm not fucking anybody. But if you came all the way out here from pittscataway, new jersey, you'd expect something in return right? Well, you can keep that shit where you're at. I don't have time for it. Niggas exhaust me with the bullshit.

And understand something, there's a difference between friendships and internet friendships. I go see people I'm actually friends with. Note the ticket to Los Angeles, the trip thats already been planned. The next trip is to STL to see Sam && Danny, soon as they get moved && settled, & no, I haven't discussed that with them yet, but I don't have to, cus thats family. And we're not gonna play the "what would we do if you were here" game. I'ma say, "hey, is it cool if I come out there && spend a couple days with yall?" && their gonna say "hell yea, when you comin?" We'll figure the rest of the shit out when I get there, cus when you're doing things, you don't have time to plan what you would be doing, if you were doing something. And yes, I know that shit made sense, so if you didn't catch it, you're reading the wrong blog.

Can't yall sense the bitchiness in me today though? I'm trippin cus there's no reason for it. Like, I have no reason not to be incredibly happy. I'm just not. If you give me time to sit and stew in my thoughts, I'll piss myself off over nothing. But if I'm talking toooooo somebody I'm all smiles. Psycho right? Yea.

Done talking now. I'll prolly blog again later, seeing as I don't feel like this one really counts.

-A.