text message received:

I'm gonna have this girl who I like over, but she's all lovey dovey relationship like, do girls like that like being asked out all cute or just plain and simple?


Its no secret that I'm good at relationships. Not at having them, perse, so much as helping you to have them. Yea, you, the person reading this right now. One of two things is going through your mind right now. A: you know what I mean, you know I'm right, && you know whats coming next. B: You think I'm talking out the side of my ass, in which case, wait till you have a problem with your shit, then come see about me. Like I was saying, blessing and a curse. It honestly makes me feel really good to be able to say, heyy, I helped out, you know? Or just to be there to listen to someone when they need to vent. It makes me feel better to help people, even if its in the smallest way. But after a minute, you'll have to excuse me for wondering what the hell is wrong with me, that I can match-make, preserve, and maintain your shit, and all the while be lonely as hell and miserable?

Lets get something clear, I am not desperate. I'm not afraid of being by myself, I do not have self esteem issues. At least, not in this regard. When it comes to this, I just know. I've always been this way. I'm happier in a relationship. I'm happier as a part of a couple. I'm just happier that way. I can honestly say I was built to be a wifey. I was. Its just how I operate. I'm not so much of an "upgrade" as Beyonce put it, as I am just a supporter. I know how to make a man feel like a man, and which road to take to turn an argument into a compromise.

You wanna know how I know I know how to do these things? Cus last time you && your boo had a relationship snag, I told you how to do it. Those who can't do, teach? I'm honestly hoping thats not the case, cus I teach damn well, so....that doesn't say good things about my future love life.

Maybe I just think about it too much. Its possible. But I mean, thee fuck else am I supposed to think about when everybody around me is all hopelessly in love && I'm forced to sit there and watch. And then, even better, participate in the smooth operation of another couples relationship. Bottom line: I'm not helping you with your shit anymore, it depresses me.

I'm lying. lol.

But, even though I know yall forget on a regular basis, I'm 17 years old. I'm a teenager. Hormones are raging && shit. My brain actually doesn't think about much else besides boys. And the occasional girl. Thats what it was built to do. I'm supposed to draw my first name attached to "his" last && circle it with a heart. While I've never actually done that - the name thing, yes. The heart thing? Fuck outta here - I know far too many people that have, and there's enough people that have to make me accept that its typical behavior.

Shit! I pick this, out of all aspects in life, in which to be typical. Shame on me.

Any fucking ways. I took pictures. There on myspace. the link to which is in the profile section of this blog, which you can access by pressing the big shiny button that says profile. If you'll excuse me.

-A.