I've hit a brick wall as far as this blogging thing is concerned. I don't have anything to say anymore. I don't feel like any of the millions of thoughts running through my head are worth writing down anymore. I don't feel like there's anything new about me. Or, anything that I haven't said already. And I hate writing those, "here's what I did today" blogs. I mean, who wants to hear an itinerary? Especially seeing as I don't do much with the 24 hours God gives me daily. I waste most of it, sad as it is to say. As much as I'd like to get out && do more and things of the nature, I don't really know where to start. So, I guess I've hit a brick wall in more than just blogging.

Its happening with people too. I just don't know what to say to a lot of you anymore. I don't know where to start. Obligation keeps me sending texts and hopping into yahoo boxes and answering phone calls, but honestly? I don't know what to say. Conversations that used to last for hours now span a whopping five minutes. People I used to have everything in common with, I feel like I don't even know anymore. Have I changed? Have you changed? I don't know. I don't place any blame. I haven't figured out if its a bad thing? Maybe I should just move on?

But I don't want to. I've been doing that all my life. Getting tired of people, trading old best friends for new best friends and then wondering why I can never say, "Oh, I've known her for ten years." Why I've never had any long standing friends. Because I always do shit like this. I always get to this place and feel like thats all we can do. Like this is the extent of our friendship, so I bounce. Its terrible of me, but what am I supposed to do? Please tell me, so I can do it. Am I supposed to reveal some new deep, dark, secret, so that we can have something to talk about again? Let me know if thats what I need to do - you know I've got like 47 deep dark secrets. What needs to happen? Because you see, I feel like real friendships shouldn't come to huge standstills like this. I feel like if we were really friends, we'd never run out of things to say. Or maybe, its okay that we've run out of things to say? Maybe, because we're friends, we can just bask in the comfortable silence? I think thats it. Honestly, thats what I think it is. However, with internet friends, basking in the comfortable silence does not seem friendly at all, it feels like you're being ignored. Is that just me?

Here's what I know. There's one friendship that I'm going to have to end. I spend too much time thinking about things that I shouldn't and I'm not the type of person to come in between someone and their relationship that way. So, yea. Its gonna suck, but thats pretty much it. I'm gonna have to come up with some reason. I hate lying. Maybe I'll just tell the truth. Gawsh. Lyings so much easier. Whatever.

I'm done. Please return to your regularly scheduled programs. Click older posts if you didn't see Zeitgeist. Which I know you didn't, you fucking liars. Nevermind. Don't even watch it. Your minds aren't even ready honestly. It'd go straight over your pathetic little heads.

But now you wanna watch it, don't you?

-A.

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