Me & this blog link are like star crossed lovers or some shit. We eternally come back to each other. So yes, I'm back blogging at literary-romance.blogspot.com. If you weren't aware that the link had changed for about a month, you should get to older posts clicking because you've missed about 16 posts worth of drama. Shame on you. I very rarely have to blog blogs like the one I'm about to, because I have friends, you know, people to talk to. However, those people are few, and they all seem to be busy. Well no. D'Angelo's mobile, &+ I don't feel like calling him. Zula's phone is broken & she's not online. I could text Sam, but its late there && she's so out of the loop when it comes to some of these things that I don't want to have to catch her up, not to mention, she's gettin her little family thing going, so I wouldn't wanna interrupt that. And Jill. Well I'm talking to Jill about it now and she seems like she's a million miles away. And not even geographically just like, I mean, priority wise.

Anyway. Let me give you the backstory.

I'm pretty sure I lied to the majority of yall and told you I graduated high school this year. Thats not true. I'll graduate next year, due in large part to a term off for the chicken pox, a term of generally fucking around and not getting anything done, and a term of faulty email systems that have me failing classes I should've passed. Its whatever, honestly, PCC is a thing of the past. Who wants to be at community college anyway? Today I was officially exited from the Early College program, and Thursday I have an interview at Merlo Station High School's Night School Program. Its just like the PCC program I was in, just at a high school, with less people. If they don't accept me (which is highly unlikely, cause honestly? I talk a good game. People generally don't know I'm a screw up until its far too late), I'll be forced to go back to Southridge which would be majorly embarrassing. Erm, so yeaa, I won't be at college this year. However next year, I plan on skipping that JC shit entirely and just doing the university thing full time.

My only dilemma right now, is figuring out how to tell the rest of my family, with the exception of mom, that I lied to them. I mean, I was ashamed. How would I tell my family of geniuses that me, the female skipping all kinds of grades and breaking all kinds of records, that I'm the one that didn't graduate from high school? Its kind of pathetic. So I figured, since I was at PCC already anyway, I'd just tell them I graduated, but was staying on at PCC until I could get the money situation together. That sounded so plausible. Cept for now I'm not at PCC anymore. So I guess I'll have to face the music. My godfather's going to take it the hardest. Nobody else really cares. No, no, let me rephrase, Aunty Isha's going to be the most upset, Goddaddy's going to be the most justified. See, Aunty Isha's going to think that she's the "cool" aunty, and that I wouldn't have lied to her because she's so "cool". Godfather, on the other hand, well....I should've just told them.

Mom & I were trying to contemplate another lie, to make up for the first lie, but....I mean, what can you come up with for "oh, I know I just graduated high school, but I just feeeeeel like going to another high school for no reason at all whatsoever." Shit, I mean if you can come up with something, I'll use it.

More than that though, the school thing I mean, I'm just ready for something new. Something different. I've never, ever, ever, put my whole heart into anything, because I guess I was always afraid it wouldn't be good enough and I guess I'm really ready to be done with that fear. I'm too much of an adult to spend this much time acting so much like a child. It doesn't make any sense. But I need help dammit. I can't do this shit on my own, if I could, I would've already. I need somebody to be there, &+ everybody's so caught up in their own shit that they don't have time to say "how're you doing?" Blah, its frustrating [/pity party].

I'm tired. Emotionally, not physically per say, just, its all in my head. I have been sleeping a whole lot lately, which is great for like...I don't know. I actually see no upside to sleeping that fucking much.

Oh! I changed the layout. I needed something with an older posts button, it was driving me insane. Plus, my comments are back. So, uhm, comment?

-A.