Not like anyone reads this blog anymore. I just hella didn't wanna clutter up the other one with my ramblings. Its all Dondria's fault. Yall know Dondria right? Ol girl from youtube that just got signed to so so def? Yea, yall know her. Welp, its all her fault. She did this song, called Need You Bad by JAzmine Sullivan, that made me go listen to some stuff by Jazmine Sullivan, so I stumbled upon I'm in Love with Another Man, so I fell in love with it, &+ started thinking about love, &+ how I feel when I'm in love, &+ how I feel when I'm in heavy like, &+ made me realize that I'm not in heavy like with this dude. I'm just not. I want to be. Like you don't know how much I want to be. How much I'm telling myself that I should be. But I'm hella not.

I love how me &+ Kris are hella trying to talk me back into liking this dude. Its a tragedy really.

You can't control your heart. You can't control your hormones. All you can control is what you do, and what you allow to come out of your mouth. [except of course, if your heart and/or hormones get there before you, in which case you're shit out of luck]

I'm shit out of luck.

DAMNYOUDONDRIA.

OMGSH!! I LOVE KRISHAUNA!! SHE MAKES SHIT MAKE SO MUCH SENSE. LIKE JUST THE FACT THAT SHE'S SITTING HERE SAYING YUP IS MAKING ME SOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE SURE OF WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING!! LOOKA! :

AshleyyB: like you remember when we were talkin &+ we were both like we need a dude thats gone tell us to shut up and sit down somewhere?
AshleyyBt: hats not him.
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] =))
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] i remember that!!
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] well Ash..
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] That's what you're used to. Maybe he'll bring something different that you'll like and appreciate more.
AshleyyB: see! now you see why I was thinking it might work! thats EXACTLY! what I was thinking!
AshleyyB: I ws like, I need to get away from what I normally go for, and maybe try something new.
AshleyyB: but....
AshleyyB: idk. maybe, since its not what I normally go for, I'm not feeling how I normally feel?
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] yea.. cuz it's new..
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] girlllll you prolly don't know how to act
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] You so used to the "shut up and sit down" type dude.. then this one comes along and he's the complete opposite
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] Got you like "this nigga a lame"
AshleyyB: i get that. but see....
AshleyyB: i mean...
AshleyyB: you know what the problem is? honestly? its that I'm bipolar.
AshleyyB: like when I'm at work or at school, i'm this loud, outgoing, confident, independent person you know?
AshleyyB: &+ the dudes are attracted to that, &+ they want that
AshleyyB: but thats not how I am at all when I get into a relationship.
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] yea
AshleyyB: I mean, nobody wants to be in charge all the time. I just want to feel like I could be the lady, &+ he could be the man.
[ .Zula Bell_bby. ] yupp
AshleyyB: but he'a attracted to that independence. so yea, I could be the girl he wants. I could be bossy and demanding &+ take charge &+ whatnot, but while I was being what he wanted, would he be being what I wanted?
AshleyyB: thats what I'm worried about.


Man. I'm done talking.

-A.