Blog Part One: && I am not ready ; no we are not ready ... && who knew....?

Two related (albeit random) statements of fact:
a) Whitney's Birthday was yesterday
b) I talk to him almost everyday now ; && I adore every minute of it.

I'm honestly beginning to think that she's thee reason why I'm so hesitant about him. Like I don't wanna move, I don't wanna introduce him to anybody. I don't want to bring him around anywhere. I kinda just wanna keep him locked in a corner && that way if it turns out he has a hidden self destruct button, thee only person he takes with him is me. Not that it turns me off at all, but he looks like he comes with a self destruct button.

Not that thats fair. And it probably means I'm not ready to involve myself with anybody. However, I don't even know if he wants to be involved with me in that way anyway. He could see it as just a fling. Thats all anybody else sees me as. I should ask him. Its a hella vulnerable posistion to put myself in though.

Me: Hey , I just wanted to know if this was serious to you, or if you're just tryna fuck.
Him: Oh, uhm, I was actually thinking just that fucking thing would be okay.
Me: Oh.

oops?

a) I believe in myself more than that.
b) I believe in him more than that.
c) He's not thee type to say that. Even if I did ask him directly.
d) I've been wrong before.

Lets move to part two yea?

Blog Part Two: Magic && Miracles.

Samantha && Daniel are together. I'm waiting on pictures. I'll post em as soon as I get em. Thee fact that those two are going to sleep in the same room this evening proves to me that somethings that truly seem impossible really are. I'm so proud of them. I so much admire the leap of faith they took in each other and in the strength of their relationship when they decided to make this move.

I'm such a contradiction. As much as I know thinking about things will bring them to an end faster but I just can't stop. I have to play out every possible scenario until I've talked myself out of moving at all.

And then just when I've convinced myself that standing still is thee best way to go ; I move anyway. I take the worst road possible. It always sucks. lol. Done being depressing.

Samantha and Daniel and Dasia make me believe in magic and miracles. Even if I'm not ready.

But anyways ; he said he was gonna call me back. -scurries off to somewhere quiet with my phone charger

-A.