I miss Sammy, Danny, Kris, Khiry, Jazzy, Brandon, Earnest, Jarell punk ass who I don't never even talk to. But yall remember the days I'm talkin about. Well maybe you don't, cus yall ain't even readin this right now.

I miss when we used to talk shit about everybody. Like flash back to when Sams blogspot URL was still dayummsam, && she wrote that blog about Diamond && Gabby && them. Member that? Flashback to when we used to call that female aluminum foil. Flashback to making a blake in the middle of the day cus invitation codes sounded sexy than a muhfucka. I still sign on blake everynow and then, but nobodys ever there. Flashback to when I massed Brandon not knowing I went to school with this nigga in LA. Flashback to when I dated Earnest. Flashback to when I talked to Jazzi more than Sam. Flash back to when I hated Sam cus Khiry made her sound crazy as hell, && I just wanted to take him from her so bad. Mann. Flash back to when I thought Kris was too mature for me to talk to. Lmao, flashback to when I thought Darian was an asshole. Just flash the fuck back for half a second. && then meander your ass on back to the future, && try to figure out where it all went.

I'm so happy for Sam & Daniel. Yall are gonna do it so big. They said they was gone make me a video yall. Thats whats up right? Honestly, me && Brandon && Earnest don't even talk like we used to. I mean forreal, I used to get a text from earnest everyday, now its like once a week. Ion never talk to Brandon for more than 8 seconds. I ain't never used to talk to Darian, now he havin light night conversations at least once a week cus it ain't nobody around thats worth talking to. Its all just, changed, and I don't even know when, or how, or most importantly, why.

I didn't give a shit about anybody at my last high school. I didn't know them, and they didn't know me. I didn't want to know them and they didn't want to know me. I did my thing and went home, and when I transferred to college, I kept in touch with ONE person, and I don't even forreal talk to her, just a nod if I see her at the mall, feel me? But when it comes to yall, I feel like I just graduated. I feel like I just finished high school. And it hurts. And its scary. Cus I'm going somewhere new and very few of yall are coming with me. And I don't want to make new friends. Lmao. Yall know I'm bad at that. I can't initiate. I need somebody to take the lead, I fall in step pretty fast but man...

I feel like I'm going somewhere, && yall can't come with me. Ain't it a shame?

If you didn't know, a lot of my blogs are written as I think them . Like really, a lot of the revelations are coming as I'm typing, && I'm just sittin here, like wow.

I'm not even tryna be on some condescending shit. I'm not saying that the road you're going down is the wrong one, or its not worthy of me, or no shit like that. Not at all. Please believe me when I tell you, not at all. But honestly, blah. We're going separate ways. && its gone hurt to do, but let me call out the people who're really on the path with me right now.

D'Angelo.
Samantha.
Darian.

smh @ thats it.
Brandon, if for some strange reason you're reading this, you're not gonna be a rapper. And if for some reason you do become one, you're gonna be like the.....Ray J of rappers. Except for minus the minute sexiness Ray J used to have when he was just Brandy's little brother.

Earnest, you'll never be a rapper either. Come on now yall. Life is too short, especially in the hood. Don't waste your time. Be forreal.

Zula! Where'd you go? You on your grownup. I respect it. Blah. I want you to roll. Forreal, you're the only one I'm really hurtin for. You + Daniel. But it seems like you don't have time to maintain online friendships. Like we take the back burner to everything else you've got goin. Its understandable. I mean, if a trains comin, I can't save you. I'm halfway across the country. I get that. But it hurts, feel me? Cus I was there for you, before some of the bullshit in my immediate life, I was there for you. && you just kinda disappeared on me. Like you ain't got every form of communication other than knocking on my door. Like, no homo, but my heart is trippin. All love tho.

Daniel. My Macaroni, My breastie. Man, I remember last year, Sam had no net, && me && you were just chillin online. && the whole world seemed like it was fallin apart without Sam. But me && you were cool. Macaroni && Cheese && blue koolaid. Listenin to Ne-yo's first album. I remember when I blogged about the baby. And then I deleted it. But you read it. && you just gave me a hug >:d< && told me you were there for me. Damn. Like did you know how much that meant? How much that still means? But its like you're gone now. I understand that you're making your moves && I'm so proud of you. So proud. Like, my little brother's becoming a man. && you're gonna be great at it. && you're gonna be a great father. You already are a great father. && when you get that unlimited text don't act like you don't know my number. You're welcome on the path I'm on any time Breastie.

Am I missing anybody? No.

I hate the position I'm in cus I'm open. I honestly don't know which way to go, so I'm kinda grabbing in all directions in the dark, lookin for somebody to steady me. You feel that pull? Thats my heart. && its crying out for you. Honestly. I'm honestly confused. And I keep talking to God and....gawsh this blog is getting long but man. I need to sort this out. Its too heavy on my heart right now.

Is it strange that I look at myself in the mirror and don't know where I went?

I'm actually done talking.

Smile, somebody loves me? I try so hard. But I'm not seeing it. Yall should tho, smile. Cus i got madd love for each and every one of you just for makin it to the bottom. I'll keep giving and giving and giving. I actually don't know how to do it any other way

A.