I don't even forreal feel like blogging right now. Seems like I've been blogging for days about absolutely nothing. Where'd the people that cared go? Yuck. Whatever. I know. The world doesn't revolve around me. I know other people have shit to do too. I mean just. Gawsh. I know this is gonna sound really whiny and all around bitchy/moany, but I do a fucking lot yo. I'm at work all the fucking time. My doctor made me not take summer school classes. MYFUCKINGDOCTOR. Not my mom, not anybody else. my DOCTOR. said it would be too much on my body if I added that to everything else I was doing. Yall know that choir I sing in? Yea. Its not just a choir. Its a full ministry. We do food drives, blood drives, car washes, community outreach. We minister on the streets, we volunteer and hospitals. I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF THAT SHIT. But yall ain't know that. Cus I ain't tell you. Cus I don't like to brag. Cus I shouldn't have to.

Yall know the last person to say: Ashley, what did you do today?

Me neither.

&& I'm tired of telling you, feel me? I'm tired of rationalizing to myself like oh no Ashley, people aren't gonna remember to ask you about yourself, just tell them, thats okay. Fuck all that. I'm not gonna keep pushing shit on people that aren't giving me anything back, feel me? I'ma just go back to not fucking talking.

Yes. I know I'm sensitive. So the fuck what? I get like this maybe twice a month. You know what I am the rest of the time? Strong. For you motherfuckers. So when your days are bad and shit I can sit for hours just talking about you. Rationalizing out your shit like I really give a flying fuck. Because to talk about me would be selfish, right?

My mama once told me if I kept giving and giving and giving I wouldn't have anything left for myself, and I wouldn't have anything left to give. I never believed her. I always figured God would give it all back to me. Everything I gave, I'd get it all back.

I'm still waiting.

But my faith in that particular aspect is getting rather shaky, cus He also said He only helps those who help themselves.

So maybe I shouldn't care so much about yall?
Maybe, just maybe, fuck all yall.
Yea?
I'm bout there.
Tired of being a good friend.
When I don't have any.
That shit is madd irritating.
Like seriously.
So yea.
Fuck yall.
And if that makes me faithless
Then God forgive me.

A.