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H on est ly ,

The night is always darkest just before the dawn.

.160.
4.6.08

You know what I hate? When people call me stupid and moody. Lmao i mean i'll give you moody ; sometimes I have my moments. But i'm talkin about in the same sentence. Like:

Ashley, you're being really dumb and moody right now.

EXCUSE ME?

bitches got me fucked up majorly. Oh && of course its always followed by:

Ashley, I ain't even mean it like that. You know I love you. We're family.

Waitwaitwait...

EXCUSE ME?!

We're family? You wanna be related to the stupid, moody bitch now? Or even better..

Come on baby, I ain't even mean it like that...

Oh so I'm your baby now? I'm your stupid, moody baby? Fuck outta here.

Family don't treat family like that. && when they do, thats about when its time to disassociate. Ion care if they birthed you. When you start feelin like you ain't worth shit cus thats how they makin you think about yourself, its time to cut em off && get the hell outta dodge. Cus fact of the matter is, when you're in a relationship thats verbally or emotionally abusive like that, its usually not you that needs the other person, its the other person that needs you. But they don't want you to know that because they don't want to look vulnerable. Think about that. That person thats always makin you feel like there's not even a point in living? they need you. Not the other way around. you hold the power. Not them. So use it. && if they don't need you, if it turns out I'm entirely wrong, && they're just making you feel like shit for the sick, twisted pleasure of it, then it still won't do you any harm to leave now will it.

Ain't got nowhere to go? Lmao the bold part of me wants to tell you to leave anyway but I won't. Never do something stupid out of anger or desperation. Think smart, plan smart, be smart, always.

This made me feel better. I'm so busy telling you what to do I forgot that stupid niggas made me mad in the first place. Its time to cut the cord on some of these bitches ; in a very real way. Oh yea, and you, yea....you. You know I'm talking to you. I'm so serious. Its not worth it. No matter who it is or how close to you they are or how obligated you feel, its not worth being put down every day. Its not worth being neglected. Do what you gotta do && get out bae. Cus its scarring you psychologically, and hurting you in ways that you don't even realize has anything to do with it. Trust me, I'ma psych major. Love you kay?

text message received:

Thanks! Ur a doll! I feel the same. Its like watchign someone grow right in front of me. U have such an amazing future ahead of u!

[/text]

:"> My drama final was kick ass by the way =D




'qone.


Ashley

just another little black girl with dreams. I play my music too loud, and I don't listen. I'm only at peace when I'm in pain: when my wrist is sore from writing my emotions out like blood on the band-aid of a page, or when my throat is raw from singing my thoughts like tears into the air. I'm conflicted, and unrepentant, and I like the way this blogging shit makes me feel. This is the one and only place I'll never lie, honestly.

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Ashley @ ...

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