So I'ma have the conversation with myself one more time. Cus I'm really actually very confused. Perhaps yall can help me out? Cus see ; ooh && I love yall to death for this, but what you generally do, is yall cheer me up and make me laugh when I'm feelin like this. But the problem is, its just a mask, && its sticks for a minute, but when it wears off I'm back bloggin the same damn blog again. I'm tired of it. Can we ditch it? Like once && for all? I think we can. But I'ma need yalls help. I mean, I'm fully capable of being strong all by myself, but if thats what I gotta do then fuck I got yall around for? No disrespect meant but...yall know what I mean. So help me out right now. I'm asking for help. Its rare as a muhfucka. When it comes to things of importance anyway.

So let me tell you the dilemma. In person, like if you actually meet me on the street face to face, I'm a very different person then the one you'll meet on the internet. Yall know how that goes, the computer screen is better at buffering rejection. So its easier to be outgoing && what not here then it is when you're actually standing in front of someone. Anyways, when you meet me in person I'm kind of quiet, && shy. I'm always afraid I talk too much, so I just don't talk at all. Lmao, I'm that girl that doesn't wanna look "too smart", so she never answers any of the teachers questions. Feel me? I purposefully dress down cus I don't wanna look like I'm showing off. Yall get the picture? Here ; I'll break it down for you like this:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, fabulous, and talented? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered" Japanese proverb

Make sense? Fact of the matter is, as beautiful, and logical as Ms. Williamson's speech is, its flawed. Because people don't actually behave that way. We fear what we don't understand, and we don't understand people who aren't afraid. Get it? So my dilemma is, should I continue being the person I am? The one who shrinks out of fear, and always lets others shine, or should I be the person I can be? The one who's fully capable of shining all by her damn self. The one who doesn't have to be mean when she gets nervous because she knows being nice is good enough? The one who would never ever in a million years involve herself with a man who was already in a relationship just because she wasn't sure if she could get anything else. Cus like seriously, how sad is that? The one who always does her best, always looks her best, && always comes her hardest because she knows God gave her the ability for a reason? Which way should I go? Easy question, I know. Here's the hard part.

How theee fuck am I supposed to get from point A to point B? This ain't a pity party darlins. I'm not saying its impossible. I'm not saying that because I've been this way or 17 years this is the only way I'll ever be. Fuck that. I'm just saying its gonna be hard as hell, and I'ma need help. So I'd like to know if I have your help. I'd like to know if I have your support. Right now, this here, this is the all call. This is your time to stand up. This is how I'm determining who my real friends are. So if you're reading this right now && you think you can help me do this, get in touch with me in whatever way you have. The cell ; the yahoo ; the myspace ; however. Just let me know. This is gonna be a short list, but if I'm going to accomplish what I'm planning to, I'm not gonna have much time for anybody who's not on that short list. So there we go.

I'm done talking. I feel better. This isn't a passing phase. This is it.
Depth perception. How deep do you perceive yourself to be?
'qone.