[voicemail]

Ashley...I love you..so much...i hope you'll.....one day be my girlfriend....&& stuff. Cus i really love you.....I mean it with all my heart.....&& everything else.......thats not my heart.....

[/voicemail]

Awwwie. If that ain't the cutest shit. I still don't like that nigga. Die. put your whole heart into that shit nigga. And everything else.....thats not your heart. Harsh? If I gave a fuck that might be an issue. Seeing as I don't....

Today was....well okay. I woke up && got dressed like i was going to school but then decided I wasn't. && then me && mom went back to sleep. && then we went to storage to clean the rest of that shit out. Now my whole body hurts. Nah nigga, you ain't feelin me. Theee wholeee thing. Then I came home && took a shower && talked to Sam about ol dude that kidnapped his daughter for 24 years && her STUPID ASS MOTHER that ain't know she was still in the house. Lmao. white ppl. If shit like that interests you [ clickit ] Yesh, because I'm known for reporting the most randomest off the wall shit.

Speaking of reporting. I did an album review on Rude Awakening. It sucks but read it anyway niggas. Its on hip-hop hurray [clickthatshit] its to your right. Yup yup.

&& speaking of music [ i like how this shit is flowing ]. I heard a new song today. Wait was that today? Yea. It was today. Anywaysz. Its Beat Goes On Remix. Madonna ft. Pharrel && Kanye. Its a little more bouncy then my usual. But whatever Kanye murdered as usual.

Speaking of music again....I'm boutta change mii playlist again. Then I'm going to sleep. Stop changin yall fuckin blog links shit. Can't keep up with a damn thing. I go to read your shit my bookmarks don't load && shit. Madness. Fuck tryna know whats goin in your lives.....

Yea i'm done.
'qone.

Randomly: I love you all.
More Randomly: As of [thisparticularmoment] I'm pretty unhappy with my life
&& thats the end

'qone

Edit
"Sweetheart don't ask me no insignificant ass quandaries"

ugh. *sigh* I'ma just rock on my self conscious && insecure tip for a minute. We all have those moments. Those hours. Those days. Those weeks when even tho we kno we're up to the challenge of life we just don't feel like we have what it takes to make it through. You know what I mean? You don't what I mean. You don't even know what I'm saying. You don't highlight. But its all good. I'ma just talk for a lil while, is that all right with yall? My imaginary audience; witness to the tears I cry in silence? Ehh, off the emo shit. But forreal tho. I'm gettin kinda sick of this shit. Like I know this is how the world works, && the grass is always greener, && blah dee blah dee fuckin blah but come on now. Summa this shit is just forreal unfair. How you always get the best ones? The best ones? Darian? Nah, ion even like darian like that, lets just get that straight, but thats a good nigga. A damn good nigga. && you just....i mean....like man. You just needed your space? Jay? Yea i know yall just friends. && i also know he has a girl, but come the fuck on now. D'Angelo? Mann you don't even know ; you CAN'T even know how I sit up on my iPod listenin to in my world wishin for half a second that a nigga with a mind like that, with a heart like that, would speak to me. and YOU talkin bout he on your nerves. He's suffocating you. About how you need your gotdamn

space?

&& it ain't even like I don't know why shit like this happens. Problem is I'm thinkin about it. && your not. You're just living your life & taking it all as it comes && i'm planning, every second, wishing, hoping, picking it all out like its a damn catelogue cus I'ma have it all one day. o0o I swear to fucking god I'ma have it all. Shit...

I'm hella done now. Forreal being in this state of mind wears on my nerves with a quicknss.

Duecersz
=]

Hint? Visionary.rtf

Redid the blog. Redid the playlist. I'm tired. Ignore the following

&& sometimes I wish I'd never met you
Or at least that you'd make it easy for me to forget you
Seeing how as soon as times get hard you just forget who
Was there for you when all them others tricks would just reject you
Respect you?
Cute how you think somehow something you did made you deserve it
Or how the bullshit lies that you call "trying" make you worth it
Desert it
The notion that my heart will remain open
The games you play inflame my rage cus when I'm serious you think I'm jokin
You're hopeless.

I gotta be at work at 8:30 in the morning so i'm pretty sure I'm going to sleep....now.

&& if you ain't downloaded Rude Awakening yet....get to it.
But my heart still hurts for Press Conference.

Duecersz
=]

Currently Bumping: Strangerthanthou--Ace Da Vinci

"Can't believe...today was a good day.." Even thought mii mommy left me at school after she specifically told me she was coming to pick me up. Talkin bout some "I forgot, I'm at home, I don't have enough gas to come back, take the bus." =| Whatsbotheringmeisthatyourserious. But its all good. Me && mii homegirl Cyn aced our psych test. We only got one wrong. Yay us. Then I came home && hella went to sleep. Woke up to my mom on some bullshit cus I was late for choir rehearsal even though I told her it was pushed back, && then she was in a mood ; so she ain't even take me. Fuck kinda....? But its good tho.

Why did I decide to blog this evening? Can't recall. Danny's ventage made me wanna write someting....but I don't remember what it was. I'm thinkin I was gonna be sad, but I don't want to anymore. I'm cool. I'ma go to sleep in a lil, seeing as I have work in the morning. Gotta go put my shit in the washing machine. But then I'm jus gone sit up && talk to mii ebaby until I fall asleep. Might even get on cam for her. She fiends ;].

Oh yea && So I was in mii moms room talkin about her newest story, && i completely forgot i was on the phone. So basically Bruce just sat there, until he hung up, cus i sure as hell ain't come back till somethin like an hour later. lmao. oops.

&& that was your anectode for the day.

"Funny to think that I woulda white gowned you, now we sit around in the studio && clown you...."

Duecersz
=]

Danny wanted me to post my english paper. Its an evaluative essay of whether hip-hops dead or not. Here ya go
Whisperings of Hip-Hop
By: Ashley Bennett

It echoes though MySpace pages and blogs around the world, is whispered in concert halls and smaller venues, even manages to trickle into text messages and random lunch conversation: Is hip-hop dead? The culture birthed by KRS-One and Public Enemy has been left in the hands of Soulja Boy and Flo Rida. Everyone more concerned with the beat and the dance then the lyrics and the perception of the culture. This leaves those who “used to love H.E.R.” like the Common song, left tuning their iPods to oldies but goodies, and trying to forget the disastrous turn that the once loved genre has made.

Meanwhile, those faithful to the culture of hip-hop nod their heads steadily in approval. They’ve done more than scratch the surface; they’ve dug deep into the earth and struck oil, because true hip-hop has returned to the underground.

To the innocent on-looker, its rather easy to confuse hip-hop with rap. Rap being controversial for its promotion of violence and degradation of women, among other things. Hip-hop is not that. Hip-hop is a culture, a unifying force, the new generation’s gospel, screaming to anyone that will listen that though times are hard, we can find strength in each other. It assures that times have been hard before, and will be hard again, but we will persevere.

In our country’s current state of affairs this seems like a message we’d want to hear. However, in an attempt to escape, my generation has twisted and convoluted the beloved hip-hop and replaced it with rap. The primary representation of African-American culture as it pertains to music has an infamous reputation for slander and disrespect; yet we, as African-Americans, wonder why we aren’t taken seriously in the business world. Comedians and politicians alike publicly ponder how to defend a genre with nothing left to defend, and if, by giving up on the music, we give up on a whole people in itself. And hip-hop? Hip-hop returned to its quiet corner, waiting patiently. Exuding an urban elegance that can only be portrayed by one who speaks the truth. Through the rapper Kanye West and the MC Lupe Fiasco hip-hop whispers that if we look for it hard enough, its message will always be there.

Apparently hip-hop’s resilient reliability can’t compare to the flashing lights, fast cars, and abundant women that come with living in the rap world. “Yea I’m in the game, but if I say I rap you’ll be lookin’ for my Range, gold chain and my strap,” Says the MC Blu about the complexities of approaching women as a “rapper” without the glamour and prestige that comes with the genre. Being an MC is no longer accepted among the masses, you’re either a rapper or you’re nothing. Its easy to see why hip-hop would appear to be on the decline, if the artist doesn’t have a strong enough motivation to continue doing what they’re doing. However, some artists do have this motivation, and they are the ones who keep the faithful listeners coming back for more.

One such artist being the Los Angeles native Blu, who recently put out a project entitled “Below the Heavens” dealing with the struggle of being an artist trying to produce something of a higher caliber then what is expected in today’s musical era. "Artists want to get paid so badly that they are (reluctant) to push the bar a little bit. Hip-hop has always been a music that took chances; that's what made it different than all other music. (The music) is suffering because artists aren't taking chances anymore." Says the pioneer Doug E. Fresh, whose seminal anthem "The Show" with Slick Rick helped change hip-hop. Blu fully intends to “push the bar” even if it requires him to give up the things that seem go hand in hand with his profession, such as women, flashy chains, and expensive trips to the club. This only mildly phases him however, he sees it as a sacrifice for his art. His songs show that he’s dedicated to producing something pleasing for the true followers of the genre, and he hopes that they can bear with him through the harder times so that they can make it to the light together.

And that’s what hip-hop’s all about, the acknowledgment that all struggle is community struggle, and that though your pain may be individual, you don’t have to bear it alone. Humble in its beginnings yet almost arrogant in its ambitions for the future, the genre, the culture of hip-hop will not be stopped, and it is not dead. It simply waits for those who really want the message, so if you’re looking for hip-hop, look a little closer. Its there. Watching. Waiting. Whispering.


So uhm...yea, thats the rough draft tho. Still gotta tweak it a bit. Hope yall like.
Duecersz
=]

Lets call it poetry night.


Heavenly
By Ashley Bennett

It’s something closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
Like all paths led to this destiny
No matter how I try to escape it
No matter how many tried to grab it or take it
Away from you and I
&& we both know how hard they try
Its still here
We still fear
That touch of heaven that appears
When we’re near
And so we try to give our hearts to others
Like maybe they can help us gravitate away from each other
But we still remember givin’ hickeys in the park,
And long talks on my mothers telephone after dark
And those walks through the ghetto
With our love like a bulletproof vest
Cus there was no weapon to penetrate the strength in my chest
When I was with you
And anything you would ask for I would give you
Everyday a different love song of you swirling through my mental
And when my sanity returned I’d wonder what I’d gotten into
Cus my heart, it wasn’t in me, it was in you
My feelings had become more than superficial
Somethin like overnight, you turned perpetual darkness into light
&& Transformed from Mr. Wright to Mr. Right
To my delight or….wait
Cus I now I couldn’t shake myself from my lovestruck state
Your essence, heavy love, && I just couldn’t bear the weight
Nothing to do but shake your expectations from my shoulders
And focus on the task of moving onward, getting over
So I took the first excuse to make this fullness in me hollow
Boarded an evening bus and quietly told you not to follow
And I know that you’ll still be there for me on tomorrow because
What we have stretches over 967 miles
Over exes and best friends and unbelievable trials
It can’t be defined; lets call it timeless, priceless
Legacy left behind of us like the Goddess Isis
People still talk about us cus love shines despite us
The feelings between us growing and in time they might just
Overcome of us entirely, consume the strong willed
Even when sometimes we just wish that we could not feel
Sometimes I pray to heaven, pray to god so high above
Jesus let it be anything on earth, just not love

But then it’s always a step closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
So I guess I’ll just let it be
It’s Heavenly



Loves Dreams Never Ending
By Ashley Bennett

I smell roses on the table
&& hear rain on the roof
The rain might be all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
I remember your chest as my pillow
As soft voices blend in the dark
Our lover’s dreams never ending
Thoughts paced to the beat of your heart
You talk about dreams of tomorrow
I talk about dreams of today
We talk about our dreams together
Afraid that we’ll get in our own way
Conflicted our love is unspoken
Restricted our love is unshown
And though promises sometimes broken
Through out all our love is still known
I reside in the inner workings of what used to be his heart
So I’m there to put back together what he thinks has fallen apart
And when his life seems without purpose I’m right there to get him on track
And on nights he feels like he’s worthless
I’m always there pulling him back
To the scent of roses on the table
And the sound of rain on the roof
The rain might’ve been all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
Pull you back to your chest as my pillow
Pull you back to that voice in the dark
Pull you back to loves dreams never ending
Pull you back to the beat of your heart.

Duecersz
=]

Blog change? I actually really don't wanna. I like this one. I might make a banner for it tho. I been back on my photoshop lately. Yea. I think I might make a banner..

Damn. Is the weekend over? Wasn't Friday like...well. yea. I guess it is over. I hella don't wanna have to do that whole school thing again tomorrow. But at least I don't have to work till Wednesday. && I got a whole forty dollars left out of my check. What? Yes. Ain't that somethin special. Now I gotta let that money not burn a hole in my pocket && maybe keep some for the next two weeks. According to my math, my next check is gonna be delicious.

Random observation: Me && Sam get paid on alternating weeks. She gets paid, I get paid. She gets paid, I get paid. One of us always got some money.

Oh speaking of money. Lmao @ Bruce got his lil job back at the diner talkin bout he gone western union me some money to get my nails done. Lmao x 343487534 @ he thought I was gone say no if he sent it to me. Oh no nigga, I'll take your money. Pay my phone bill..get my little brother some new jeans or somethin. Shit. My nails could wait. My hair can't tho. -pats head Startin to look kinda raggedy round there. Can't have it.

New friend alert. Her name's Cynthia aka Cyn. Thats mii nigga. We get shit done. Love it. Love it mucho.

So AnnMarie is currently in trouble cus this heffa tried to be cute && make a myspace without anybody knowing. I'm mad she really thinks we're stupid. The rule is, until you're fourteen, if you make a myspace you have to have one family member on your friends list, and they have to have your password. Thats it. So i went over to Goddaddy's && tried to log into my myspace && it was already logged into hers. So I did two things. 1) sent a message to mom telling her AnnMarie had made a new myspace [cus she deleted the old one && said she didn't want a myspace anymore] && 2) added myself so that she wouldn't get in trouble cus she had me as a friend. but when we got home from the movie ; this stupid heffa deleted me. So now she's in trouble. Cryin && shit. Thats what you get for bein stupid. lmao somebody needa splain to these kids these days.

Anyways my head hurts && i still needa do some hw so
Duecersz
=]

1) HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY!!!!
You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life, resilient in the fact that even when things don't go your way you always manage to bounce back. I hope that in this new stage of your life everything goes your way, because all I could wish for you is happiness. Love you Breastie!!


2) lmao my little brother stole my phone last night cus he said I was always on it and I wasn't' spending any time with him. So he took it and hid it in his room, and then went to sleep. However this morning at 5 when my alarm went off on it, it a)scared the shit outta him && b) helped me to find the phone. Mom said I'm not on the phone anywhere near as much as AnnMarie, so he's now in trouble for stealing my phone.

Awwwie @ Sammy's activation got fucked up. Yea AT&T is kinda stupid. But its cool. Like i said, when you get yours, get my number from Danny, && text me =D

Anywaysz I actually have things I'm supposed to do today.

Duecersz
=]

Good Lord. Okay. This is probably gonna be long. Get some popcorn or fruit snacks && a bottle of water or some shit.

Today was fairly uneventful. Quote of the day "I've never met a racist person in my life!" =|. I know that sometimes I'm madd racist, but seriously, how can I not talk shit about white ppl that say dumb stuff like that? I mean you'd think racist people would be assholes all the time, but the fact of the matter is most of them don't even know they are. They just say or do stuff that proves it. Anyway. Moving on.

When i was getting off the bus on the way home I had my phone. Sometime between getting off the bus and walking in the door I lost it. I really hope its here somewhere. But if its not then thats the end cus I don't have enough money to buy a new one and they don't have insurance on it so yea. That was a pretty beautiful two weeks tho. && tell me why I just found yahoo mobile a couple days ago? I ain't even get to text message Sam. This is bullshit yo =/

Payday is tomorrow. Here's the real bullshit. Because I just got the phone activated with a two year contract, whether I have a phone or not, I still have to pay the bill, cus if I get the phone cut off that a 250 contract termination fee. Now my check is going to be madd short tomorrow cus I haven't worked a full amount of days. However I'm still going to give 100 dollars to my godfather for a phone that I don't own anymore. Join me in wishing that bitch is somewhere in the house && i can find it. Cus thats what really needs to happen.

I called my job yesterday when they schedule came up to see when I was working so I could make my weekend plans. The little girl told me i worked friday and monday. this sounded like the times I normally work however she sounded madd confused. So i said okay && figured since thats the times I normally work I'd leave it alone && i went ahead && made plans to meet with my Study group on saturday morning at 11. But the little girls uncertainty was hella bothering me so I went up to work today to check the schedule and, low && behold, this bitch ain't know what the fuck she was talking about. I work saturday morning at 11:45. So now I have to somehow get into communication with the people in my study group and tell them that the whole plan that I put together, I can't even make it to. Oh; and to make matters worse? The contact information for all these people I kinda need to be in contact with? In my phone. Yea so we could say I'm kinda past heated right now. Not that I can blame anybody. Its all my fault but yea...that doesn't necessarily make it any better. If anything I think it makes it just a bit worse.

So i went over to godfathers to ask about the bill and whether or not they had insurance on the phone to see if I could just get it replaced and while we were talking my older sister/cousin Lee, who I call Elmo, starts screaming at my little sister of a dollar fifty that she found on the table. Elmo said that was her money and AnnMarie couldn't have it. Ree said a)it'd been sitting on the table for six hours. b) it was a dollar fifty. & c) it was going to research to aid cancer patients. To all of this elmo replied that it didn't fucking matter, that was her money and Ree needed to put it down and if she didn't like it she could go the hell home. Now i'm not gonna get started on the fact that I DO NOT allow ppl to talk to my sister that way. Ion give a fuck who you are, no one is allowed to make that kid cry but me, thankyouverymuch. But we're not even gonna get started on that. We're really not. What i want yall to focus on is not the fact that elmo yelled at ree. Or the fact that she cussed ree out. OR the fact that she made ree cry. I want yall to focus on the fact that, while sitting in a 480,000 dollar house with two 60,000 dollar cars outside talking on a 500 dollar phone in front of a 1500 dollar computer and a 3800 dollar tv, elmo cursed annmarie out over A DOLLAR FUCKING FIFTY. IT WAS SIX GOTDAMN QUARTERS. AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT IT FOR HERSELF, SHE WAS TRYNA GIVE IT TO CANCER PATIENTS!!! that, as far as I'm concerned...is that bullshit.

I have to potty; i shall return.

[four minutes later] i'm back. OK so two stories about random ppl I talk to then I'm out. Its almost over.

So my homegirl Ashley had been "engaged" to this dude for 8 months right? They were gonna get married this December, after she turned 18. On Sunday, they went out and got matching lip piercings [racist Ashley says, like some damn white ppl] and then on Monday she found out [through his sister] that he had cheated on her during Christmas break. So they broke up. And, in her distress, she slept with a good friend of hers. And of course now, he wants to be with her, and she's like nigga really i don't even like you. And her periods late. Moral of the story: when you're hurting, and you wanna go vent to somebody, pick somebody you wouldn't mind having a baby with, cus the percentage of "it was just one time with my best friend" pregnancies is ridiculous. Ever seen Juno? Exactly.

While we're on the subject of pregnancy. My pastors son Bennie has been seeing this girl named Jessica on and off for a couple months now. Now Bennie is a hoe, he has liked/dated every single female under 30 in his fathers church. I'm so serious. But he's been saying that she's the one, the one he wants to settle down with, the one he wants to marry. && blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well now he gets to put that shit to the test because I just recently discovered that Ms. Jessica is pregnant. Lmao. Bennie mad as hell. Wanna know the first words out his mouth when he found out? "Shit now I'm stuck with her!" Don't sound to me like he wanted to be married too much. What it sound like to you?

lol don't ask me why i post the lil stories of people I know like yall care. They entertain me, so I figure they might entertain you too. Whatever. Yall know me. I'll keep you posted.

Duecersz
=]

Kay so i'ma tell you about yesterday. Cus that shit was not Kosher. I actually did fall asleep sunday night. At about 2 thirty. I got up at five. went to the gym. Went to school. Went to work for 7 hours. Went BACK to school. Then took the bus home. I ain't get home till quarter to ten. I made some waffles && then fell asleep. Lmao yesterday fucking sucked. OKay now thats out the way...

So the funny story I was supposed to tell you Sunday:

We were at mom's friends gospel concert, && it was really good. Everybody was all into it && everything, clappin && shoutin && tryna sing && shit right? So tell me why this lady sittin right behind my friend Alyssea gone start up with the tambourine? Scared this shit out of Alyssea right? She damn near came out her chair && said [ hella loud might I add ] OH SHIT!!!! Lmao!! nobody heard her but us. we were dying. We hella couldn't breathe. Shit was comedy. Lord above.

Speaking of funniness; you wanna know what had me and my mom on the floor dying laughing? This shit is funnier than anything I've ever said is funny. This shit is funnier than butternut reduction in my opinion. I'ma shuttup now && jus let you watch it. Looka:



Tell me that shit ain't wanna make you go buy some tho. It did. You checkin ur wallet && shit right now.

If Sammy && Danny are successfully && physically together right now, reading this from one computer && talkin shit like old married people: congratualations. Love yall. I still want pictures.

Now i'm going to do homework. [ maybe, probably , possibly not ]

I haven't been nosy on blogs for a while. The ppl I was nosy about got boring as shit <----- tell em the truth tho Sam.

Duecersz
=]

I'm not gonna go to sleep tonight. I need to get back on my schedule. So i'm gonna stay up all night, go to the gym, go to school, go to work, come home, do my homework, && got to sleep. By 11 tomorrow evening I'll be so fuckin sleepy it won't even make no sense. Lmao. If i don't fall asleep at work. That would be priceless. Whatever. Uhm....I think i was supposed to take this online quiz && it hadda be turned in by 6 o clock this evening. However at 6 o'clock this evening I wasn't even home so uhm...yea. Whatever ,this isn't a long blog. I'm mad.....blah. Went to a concert for a choir my moms involved in this evening. Saw Brandon wit some of his friends. "My nigga is that you?" .. "nah, but it used to be...." Now this nigga tryna show out in fronta his lil friends. Talkin bout some imma call you. I'm like nigga you don't have my number. Talkin bout he gone get it from his brother. =\...-looks at phone it ain't rang yet. :-??

Blah me && Jill were talking today about how we don't go for what we want we just take whats there cus we get bored. Not even desperate, just madd bored. She was tellin me about all the dudes she's talking to && she was sayin how when she thinks about it, she don't really want any of em, she just plays the game to create some drama sometimes cus she be bored as shit. She be needin somethin to do. Not in the aspect of actual productivity cus she's one of the busiest people I know, just in the aspect of being a teenager. I mean you hear everybody talkin bout they relationship drama && you're like.....I want some relationship drama. Maybe that just us tho.

I'm really mad that i typed the whole funny story, && then when i hit publish post the shit disappeared, && the only thing left is -> size="6">OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! <- that. I'm not typin that shit again. I'll tell yall tomorrow shit.


-pops in diary of a mad black woman.

I feel like laughing
=]
Duecersz

Lmao okay cus this is some shit thats only funny to me. Tell me why I was blog stalking ; && this muhfucka changed the blog while i was reading it. So i went to click older posts && all the shit was different. I almost freaked out till i figured out what was going on then I was straight dying!! && I understand why normal people wouldn't see why that made me laugh so hard but it hella did.

I really need to do my homework. I DO NOT want to. I wanna go get some ice cream && watch a movie. Whats due tomorrow anyway? I gotta take two quizzes online that take like 30 seconds. && i gotta pick a monologue. If i was a good student I'd do my homework for Tuesday too. Which is finding an article for my article summary review && writing a little mini essay thingy. Its not a lot huh? I know. I just don't wanna do it. I need to do it. I can't fail anymore classes. I need A's in like everything. Seriously. Which means I need to be doing this shit. I just hella.don't.feellikeit. This is gonna be my problem in life. I understand that.

Until then....what movie should i watch?

Does it really need to be spoken on? I actually don't think so. A percentage of yall got me majorly fucked up. Thinkin I owe yall explanations on some shit that ain't got nothin to do with you. Another, smaller percentage of you have me equally fucked up. Thinkin I'ma continue to talk to someone who's very obviously not listening. As Zula Bell would say: Yall got me bent. && you needa straighten that shit out expeditiously cus I really, truly don't have time.

Today was a good lil day. I'm glad I have net on my phone now. && i got a free trial for an all in one messenger. Still can't get yahoo to work, but we're taking it a step at a time. I should be able to keep in touch with the majority of yall. The ones I want to keep in touch with anyway.

Short blog. I'm mad sleepy. I'll talk to yall tomorrow.

Duecersz
=]

Currently: Chilling at Godfathers

We're on hold with AT&T tryna get the net turned on my phone. Yup yup. Once we get this shit fixed you'll pretty much never not be able to get in touch with me. And can we say blogging from my mobile device? [blawginggg from my mobileee deeeviceeeee]. Yall gone be sick of me lmao. But it be some stuff that happen in the middle of the damn day that you can't never remember by the time you get home to blog it. Does that happen to anybody but me? Or am I just old? Its very possible.

I've redone my myspace about 18 times in the past two days. && its still ugly. I'ma have to work on it some more. I need to take new pictures but I refuse to take any until I get my hair && nails done. Which i won't be able to do until.....next check. Not even the first check. The second one. && i refuse to be lookin all raggedy. Not shallow, common sense thx. But yea. There's that. I was supposed to text Earnest. Got a feelin he's mad at me cus I told him he wasn't my best friend anymore. He's not. Shit. I don't never talk to that nigga. Invisible bestfriendship? I have no time for things of that nature. I mean he's still my buddy or whatever, but I don't think he still deserves that best friend title. Nope nope, I don't think so.

I'm not going to church tomorrow. I don't like that church we go to now. Them people is assholes. I know thats a bad thing to say about church people but i'm so serious. They're not nice. Lemme tell you what happened. Cus our old church had been having some financial trouble [because mom had been financing most of it and then....yea...you know] so we had to move into another church, so now we go to church with these other people and they forever talkin shit cus supposedly our church "failed". Bullshit nigga. The purpose of a church has nothing to do with money. The purpose of a church is to bring new people to God and to fortify the members you already have, and we did that. So fuck them. We didn't fail. We just transitioned. But anyways I can't go to that church no more. I mean cus the atmosphere is so heavy that I can't even get into it. && I'm not gone go waste all them hours of my time if I'm not gone feel any better afterwards. I coulda been sleep or somethin. So yea. None of that.

Writing just to write? Yup. We're still on hold. "Due to our unusually high call volume..." Yea yea yea. So basically we're gonna be on hold forever. Got it. Except for if I don't get this net turned on then I'ma need them to turn this shit off cus i'm payin 25 dollars a month for this shit so uhm......it needs to be there. Especially since they're charging me two months in advance. FOH.

I'm done.
Duecersz
=]

Bruce pissed me the fuck off to day. Like really. I came home from work ; i was tired as shit && my mouth hurt ; && this nigga gone call talkin bout some "Ashley guess what?! I passed the written version of my drivers test today!! I do the actual driving test in three days!!!". =|. Now, as an innocent bystander, you're probably wondering why in the hell that would piss me off. Lemme splain it to you:

[ 2 months ago ]

Me: So i was thinkin, to keep us both on track, we'll turn this into a competition. You know, like who can get the phone turned on first, who can get the job first, who can get the car first....Oh! Do you have your permit yet?
Him: Permit? No sweetie. I've had my license for six months
Me: Oh...-giggle, well you don't have to worry about that part then.
Him: Nope, but you might wanna catch up.
Me: .....



So BASICALLY this nigga ain't wanna get his damn FEELINGS HURT two months ago && he told me he had his license when he didn't. Okay but thats not the point. Its bullshit but its actually really not to the point. The point is this:

[ Today ]

Me: You lie
Him: I'm dead serious
Me: Yea but you lie
Him: No but I'm dead serious right now
Me: No, I'm not saying that you're lying right now, I'm saying that you lie in general.
Him: No I don't.
Me: Yes the fuck you do.
Him: Gimme an example.
Me: two months ago you told me you had your license.
Him: Yea cus you were pressurin me about it so I told you I had it.
Me: I wasn't pressurin you. I said hey do you have your permit and you said no I have my license. No pressure there. You lied.
Him: Okay I lied.
Me: Why would you lie about somethin like that?
Him: Sweetheart I lie about lil shit like that all the time.
Me: ......why?
Him: I don't know. I do it to everybody.
Me: Okay but that ain't explain why you do it to me.
Him: It don't even matter, its not like you ever find out.
Me: NIGGA! you know what? nevermind.
click.

okay lemme just rant for a minute. cus for one thing : I ALWAYS know when he's lying. Just like when he said "I took a proficiency test to get out of high school, but I don't have my diploma." I knew that was code for "I DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL". but its whatever most of the time. Cus i mean most times he don't wanna seem stupid, or don't want me to scream at him. So i leave it alone. I mean I understand not wanting to look dumb. Sure whatever. But two months ago when I asked him if he had his license, he wouldn'ta looked dumb if he said no. He just wanted to look like an ASSHOLE && like he was doing better then me. && that there? That right there is the point. Fuck outta here. I'm not even answerin my phone for that nigga. He could drop dead. I been through too much with that nigga, && tried to help him out toooo many times for him to be bullshittin me on some dumb shit. For what exactly? For what?

I'm done.
Duecersz
=]


edit*
fuck is wrong with singingbox? =/

All emoness aside ; I meant everything I said. So uhm...yea. Changes will be made accordingly. Its all love [click it if you have no clue what I'm talking about]

Moving on. Today was a pretty decent lil day. I was almost hella late. I needa start goin to sleep on time. If i did I wouldn't be so damn sleepy in the morning && stuff. I was on point && then I slipped. Gotta get back on that. But anywaysz, had Psych class. That woman does nothing but talk about shit that has nothing to do with anything. I mean it'd be different if she was testing us on the shit she's talking about ; but she's not. She's testing us on stuff thats in the book she never talks about. Aight.....sure. So i decided me && some of my buddies from that class are gonna start an independent study group. Speaking of which ; I needa see what time these folks can meet. -checks email. No responses yet =/ i hate slow people. but its cool tho.

[ random ] T-H-I-R-S-T-Y Cassie's kinda entertaining. [ /random]

Uhm so then moving on ; in drama we had lots of fun. We had to pretend we were blind; so a partner hadda lead us around. Lmao I think I hella convinced this girl behind me I was really blind. She was openin doors and telling me to put my hood on && shit. Me && Jeremy my partner were dying. Like we was runnin into shit we were laughing so hard. "We're by the really pretty tree with the pink flowers. You remember that one? From back when you could see?" We were dying really. It was madd fun.

&& then i went to work to see if the new schedule was up ; which it wasn't. && Then I went to the bookstore. Just chilled there for a while. Then I came home && put groceries away. FOOD STAMPS CAME TODAY. I'm dancin like you don't even know. Lmao if you been on food stamps/ever been on food stamps, you know the dance. Do it with me now. [on 3]. \:D/ foodstamps \:D/ foodstamps. Lmao && yall niggas best be dancin too.

Lol so we put the food away ; me, Jon && Mom. Then we set up the babies new swing. Ther music that bitch plays is like madd professional. Like me && mom were starin at it like =O.

Me: Mom!! Thats an actual CHORD they played just there!!
Mom: I KNOW!!!!
Me: Whats the 3 month old gone do with a CHORD mom?!
Mom: I DON'T KNOW!!!

We were on it forreal. Lil shit like that is major for us. && then we ate of course, && then we watched a movie. && then I came in here ; && now i'm blogging.

But now I think I'm just about done blogging ; && i'ma get started on that whole homework thing cus PCC just emailed me && told me I was on academic probation so uhm.....yea.

To gym or not to gym? <--- the current question.

Duecersz
=]

"Slowly pullin myself up by my bootstraps
because I'd rather stumble forward
Then continue falling back."

Alyssea just left. She had this poem she wanted us to hear but she couldn't remember the whole thing. It was bomb tho really. I mean, it didn't really take me to a place where I wanted to go, seeing as the whole beginning preference was rape and subsequent pregnancy, but that didn't take away from the bombness of it. Not at all.

My little brothers been in a bad spot lately. He just cries. && he won't tell anybody why. My mom says its normal but I don't think so. I think he's hurtin about somethin that he don't wanna let out. Anywaysz i was walkin by his room on the way to mine && i heard him cryin ; so i'm in here sittin with him till he goes to sleep. Just cus i feel like maybe if I just sit here with him && he knows he has someone that loves him enough to pay him that attention he'll be alright. Even though I also think the light from the computer is gonna keep him from sleeping. I don't know ; it seems like a fair trade to me.

Dumb ass part about this whole thing being the fact that I"m not even writing this blog in the blog right now. I don't even know if I'm going to post it. I just be typin to type. Oh && yea cus Danny said he wanted a long blog. Some shit he had to scroll down for. Aight then Daniel. Here you go.

I'm hella pathetic at the heart of things. I don't see what anybody even sees in me forreal. I'm jus self conscious. But like hella. Everytime somebody say anything i think they talkin about me. && i wish I could at least turn that shit into conceit you know? Like bein one of those people that thinks errthing is about them in a conceited way. on some "i know hoes is talkin bout me" type shit. But i can't. I just get sad. && stop trustin ppl. && shut down on some real shit. Like :-?? fuck ever. && then i just stop talkin. It always happen the same muhfuckin way. I really wish i could get over that shit. I can't tho. Not yet anyway. && then i get mean. Jus like ugh, if ppl gone be mean then i'ma be mean too fuck yall. && end up sayin some shit i don't really mean. Or even worse, some shit that I do really mean but i shouldn'ta said anyway.

I'm hella done talking. issues. but its whatever. I'll get over it. I've posted like three blogs today. && thats your random tidbit of the day.

Duecersz
=]

Handwritten letter:

I hat me. -Jonathan

/letter.


he doesn't know there's an e on the end of that word yet. He's been thinkin he's stupid for the last couple days. First cus he lost the remote && then cus he broke the shower[s]. So i'm talkin to him asking him why he thinks he's stupid, telling him people lose and break things all the time && that doesn't make them stupid, or make us not like them. ["mommy lost a whole CAR!! we still love her"]. But it ain't been gettin through to him. So eventually he told me the reason he thought he was stupid was cus annmarie told him he was. She told him he was retarded for losing the remote && that he wasn't good for anything and he needed to go away and leave her alone cus she had more important things to do. She told him that while I was on work Friday && mom was out of town. Bitch even had the audacity to say "thats why you're over here. Cus nobody wants you."

I'MAFUCKTHATBITCHUP

oOo look at thiiiiiiiiiiis!! I feel like I'm in a brand new house. I'm feelin' on the blog walls and shit. Hmmmmmm yesssssssssss!!!

ugh im mad i gell asleep
me amd y ass always fightin
sleep now >:O lol bot yea imma yea
lay down and give my mom a great so
yeaaaa =DDDD

Wtf is that though!? -dead I really did die off that though.

I don't know wtf to type about. And why everytime I hit enter it goes down twice and not once?!? This blog done fucked up my keyboard. IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?! Ash be writin' these long ass meaningful posts. HAVE Y'ALL SEEN MY BLOG!?! It's uneventful for the most part. I'm finna add madd colors on this bitch, too. JUST FOR YOU ASH!!!

-waves at Sammy

We are sisters! We stick together! We somethin' somethin' blah blah blah

That was from Cheetah Girls =/ okay I'm done I'm finna go cake Darian on the low. He doesn't know yet.

edit

if you know && love me ; you know I ain't have shit to do wit them colors Kris just put on here. Its col tho. I mean like sure ; yea. thats kris. but uhm......fuck that lime green. bringin the cheetah girls to my shit. -changes password. hell to the nah nigga. no more of that. Click older posts to see Sammy's contribution.

Have I been slippin on blog management? I think I have a bit. Ain't I tell yall once I got this phone I was gone be gone? I really thought I did. Cus I been out && about really. I been on the damn phone more than anything. Me && my headset been gone real talk.

I'm not gone write this blog nothin special just cus its blog a hundred. Who gives a shit? Wait hol on lemme check somethin......Okay. so i had this blog for 102 days. && if I'd posted right, this would be blog 102 anyways, so df is it special for? Not a damn thing. Right.

So uhm..."Ashley, how was ur first day?" All of yall know the answer to this already but lemme tell yall for general consensus. It was cool. Madd boring. "The popcorn and the customers are the most important things...no actually, the popcorn could be called more important then the customers," ORLY? aight then. I got a butter burn. [ top secret : butter flavoring is made of soy bean && cocunut oil ; it just tastes like butter ] OH!

Me: would you like butter flavoring with that ma'am?
Her: No thank you, I'm allergic to dairy
Me: No ma'am, its just butter flavoring, its made of soy
Her: I'm telling you that I'm allergic to dairy
Me: Okay.
thinks stupid white ppl.....
-serves her popcorn
....
Her: This is awful dry, don't you have anything to put on it?
Me: Would you like soem butter flavoring?
Her: Its not butter?
Me: NO ma'am
Her: Sure sweetie, gimme some of that.


WHITE PEOPLE!!!! lmao. but it was cool tho. I go back tomorrow ; Lalalalala.

So mom went out of town on Friday night, && i had choir rehearsal saturday morning, so i dropped my lil brother off, planned my lil trip, && i got on the bus on the way dow there. So i get halfway there, && Micheal ; my choir director gone call me and tell me the location changed. So i'm like :-s....cus iono if I could find it. I told him I would try. I ended up hella fucking lost, walkin round in circles in the rain. Fuck that shit. I went home.

Then today ; i had to go to church, but to get there at 10:45 like I need to ; I gotta get on the bus at quarter to eight. so i'm on my way to church ; i'm all prepared && errthing. && i ain't wanna wear my church clothes on the bus cus it gets all sticky && nasty & ion't know where them people been. So i go to get off one bus && get on the other one and tell me WHY I LEFT MY CHURCH CLOTHES ON THE FIRST BUS!!! I was so damn mad. So i was like okay well shit I guess I"m just not gone be dressed, at least I'll be on time or whatever. So my next bus came, nine minutes late mind you. So i'm like =/ okay well i'll be close to on time....&& then this nigga got the NERVE to say "Wow i think I'm lost.....I must've missed a turn somewhere....?" AREYOUFORFUCKINGREALYO?!

But whatever. I made it. It was cool. I'm not stressin over it. But this mornin was crazy seriously.

On Friday night I was on the phone wit Bruce && I cussed him out. I told him the reason we go through our seasons where we talk && our seasons where we don't talk is cus he get on my damn nerves cus he ain't doin nothin && he ain't bout nothin. Like when I first met him, he was on point. He had a job ; he drew, he played basketball, he was all over the place. He was so smart. && talkin to him was fun cus he was one of the few people that could talk to me and be sharin somethin with me. LIke be teachin me somethin, && it wasn't a conversation full of stuff that I already know, you know what I mean? && i don't know when it was really, if it was before I moved or after or whatever, but he fell off that. He doesn't work, he dropped out of school, he don't play ball no more, he doesn't draw anymore...&& I find it hard to hold a conversation with him cus I keep comparing him to the way he was when I met him. So I basically cussed him out about it. I was like i don't fuck wit you cus you ain't bout shit. && bascially I told him that there weren't gone be anymore cycles of us talkin or not talkin cus I really truly && honestly didn't have time for it. I said if he couldn't get himself together we just wouldn't talk anymore. The end. && so now he talkin bout he's gonna get better or whatever. He said he's gonna find a job && get himself back in school or whatever. Iono. I'm not sure about him. I'm not sure if its gone work.

UHm...I don't know if I was gonna say anything else. I'ma try to get the net fixed on my phone, so I could get on yahoo && aim or whatever from there. But forreal ; once sammy get her phone I'm prolly just not gone be on no more. I ain't even be havin the energy to blog no more forreal. I'm TIREDDDD yo. But i'll try.

=D @ Kris lil letter thingy. Yea i'm broadcastin. Can we say Finally? But whatever.

Much love to all of you ; mii loves
Duecersz
=]

I start work tomorrow
So i'm mad excited
&& my next blog will be blog 100
not that that matters really
but you know
its a pretty big number
I mean considering that the majority of my blogs are actually substantial in length.
So yea
I think i can treat that like its a major thing

So this girl Ashley that goes to my school
She sent me this chain text right
&& i hope she don't get all butt hurt over the fact
that I ain't send that shit back to her
How dumb is that?
To determine the extent of someone's feelings for you over whether or not they sent back your text?
Nah nigga i'm good.

Speaking of niggas I'm still really racist
I totally need to stop.

Did i say i have work tomorrow?
I think I did.
OH but my mommy's going out of town.
Three days.
If i only had a boyfriend
lmao that would be a whole lotta lil fun happenin there yea.
Anywaysz I think I'm done talking
Wish me luck at work tomorrow
Lets hope the white folk don't piss me off

See? The racistness
Gawsh

Duecersz
=]

edit

BUTTERNUT REDUCTION!!!!!!!!!!

No Krishauna, you're just old.

So uhm.....I forgot what I was gonna blog

-rambles

So the other day I was waiting at the bus stop, && i realized something that I'd seen a lotta times before but it had never really clicked to me. On the smaller yellow buses, they tint the windows. Cus you know they're supposed to be for the special kids && they don't want people like pointing && laughing && shit so they tint the windows so you can't see them. That was cool to me. I mean like, if I had to ride the lil short bus I'd be happy that all the people on the outside couldn't see me so they couldn't talk shit.

BUt then while I was thinking that, what did this bitch at the bus stop do, but start talkin shit? Like "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOOKA THE SHORT BUS!!!". =| bitch shut the fuck up you sound more fuckin retarded then most of the mentally ill people I know. But anywaysz I got to thinkin. My nigga the windows is fuckin tinted. You can't see in that shit. You don't know who's on there. You don't know what they're doing. You don't know what they're mental capacity is just cus they happen to be on a small yellow bus. Maybe its only 3 of them niggas so they wanted to save gas. That could be the president of the united states rollin round on that bus. You don't fucking know.

Which brings me to the moral of my story, which is pretty much about life. You know how when you're in a hard spot, everybody wanna talk shit about it? Like they know all and see all and they know about everything you're going through and all that other shit? Well when stuff like that happens, just think of it as being on a short yellow bus. They don't know what the fucks going on. They think they know evverything about you because you're on a short yellow bus, and they've seen a certain kind of person on a certain kind of bus before. But they don't know anything about you. They don't know what you're doing to get out of the situation you're in, they don't know where your "bus" came from, or where its going. They're standing on the outside, trying to look in, and they can't even do that, cus the damn windows is tinted.

Now I don't know about yall, but if I was sitting, as myself, being the perfectly intelligent person that I am, on a small yellow bus, and I seen a loud fat white bitch point and laugh, like ol girl did the other day, I'd be pointin && laughin right the hell on back, cus she don't know what the fuck she's talking about.

Idk. When times get hard maybe it'd be easier to think about it like that.

&& if that don't work run her over. =D

Duecersz.
=]

1) My little sister officially moved out of our house - interesting ain't it? I hope she dies. Ugh.

2) I start work Friday. Finally. Thank you Jesus. Mhm.

3) I'm mad Kris blog is pretty wit them colors, but its still her. Like when Jay did it you could totally tell she ain't do it, it was cute but it wasn't "Kris" you know? But know it is. && in 6 weeks, I'ma steal her colors. Lmao she won't even remember.

4) There was really gonna be a four but I completely forgot what it was.

Most of this is stuff yall already know but....I'm jus writin it down for the secret stalkers && loved ones ion talk to everyday.

Busier I get, shorter the blogs get. Lame? Lame.

Duecersz
=]

STOP!EDIT!WHATEVER!

Random observation that only Ashley can make: That orange on Samantha's blog is hot too...:-?.....i'ma change mii blog in like three days watch lmao.

Edit pt.2

Love how Danny changed his blog link && ain't tell me. =/ fuck i'm sposta keep track a yall? smh.