I think that I'm unique in the fact is that all I really want in life is for people to be the best they can be. Unused potential drives me absolutely insane. I get mad. Like really mad, just because there's so much wrong in the world that could be fixed if you'd just try, and there are so many people that are too disinterested to try. And I mean i know it seems like its a bit out of your hands but the fact of the matter is, this generation is the future. And if we don't give a shit now we're not gonna give a shit ever so how can we expect the world to get better? Imagine a world where a whole bunch of people with the mindsets we have now run the country? Imagine us as the future doctors, lawyers, psychologists, and politicians of the country. Imagine us as the future celebrities && role models. Imagine how fucked up shit would be if everybody in the country made it a point to act they way we do now? I mean you're probably thinking, we're just kids, we'll mature as we get older but actually, by the age of fourteen you pretty much are who you're going to be throughout your entire life. So unless some drastic event happens, you're not gonna change that much. So now you see why i'm worried about the future? [yu probably don't but its okay]
Anyway. Because I think really big thoughts like that, like oh shit one day thats gonna be us, all i really want is for everyone to do they're best. To be their best. Cus it doesn't make any sense to be anything less. And all this time you think you have to get better? Its not really there. Yesterday there was a baby thrown off a freeway overpass in Hawaii. =| you have NO TIME nigga. You're on borrowed time. So whatever it is you plan on doing with your life uhm....get to it.
But this blog isn't really about the world, its more about me. Cus you see, I mess up sometimes. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions....", it is. Cus you see my intentions are always so good, they just never work out like they should. I want people to do they're best, so when i see people doing something wrong I want to tell them but I just don't know how to say it without hurting your feelings. So I just don't say anything. But then it all just builds up, and it irritates me and i lose it and i go off like an idiot and tell somebody else what I think you're doing wrong. And then eventually you hear it and you think i'm a backstabbing bitch. That I betrayed you. That i can't be trusted. Yadda Yadda Yadda.
Smh && yea i see how stupid that is. You Shoulda just told em. But you gotta understand that i'm insecure in a lotta ways. And i've been saying for the longest that i don't have a lotta friends because a lotta ppl can't understand and respect who I am. But the real reason is probably because I don't really understand and respect who I am, so why the hell would anybody else? && so i guess because of that, a lotta my friendships are dysfunctional, because i'm so afraid that one day my "friends" are gonna wake up and realize that i'm not worthy of they're friendship and they're gonna leave. && you have no idea how tired I am of people leaving. So i don't speak my mind a lot, cus i want them to stay. And i let them take advantage of me sometimes. Cus i want them to stay. && yeaaaa typin it out I'm startin to see how pathetic that is, but its me, && its my issue and i'm working on it.
I guess i wrote this blog to say that there's a lotta stuff about me that you don't know. And there is always a reason for me doing the things that I do. && there's a lot going on inside me that I don't really let anyone see. && there's a lotta stuff I wanna say that I can't even type here because of all the drama that really takes place in my life.
And my instinct is to just close myself off, and not speak to anybody until I can get myself under control. And not try to be friends with anyone again cus I don't want it to be dysfunctional like it has been in the past. And its not so much that i can't trust other people anymore, as much as i can no longer trust myself.
Bleh.
To You:: I don't kno if you read this, but if by some off chance you do, I'm sorry. I'm soooooo sorry. Cus i messed up. I did some things that I shouldn't have done. I said some things that I shouldn't have said and for that I apologize. But we both know damn well that I'm not the only one at fault here. && i don't wish that everything that happened could be undone because I know that some good will come of this whole situation. I want you to know that even though we've had some hella fucked up times, you'll always know me better than 99% of people in the world, and that there's still shit i laugh at and then wanna cry at cus i miss you. And i hope one day if I see you in the street we can both be mature enough to smile at each other, maybe have a little small talk, and go on about our business. Because you and I both kno that its never gonna be the same...
Pic Of The Day
