“Stop talking to yourself.” Her mother called as she swung into the room. “Did you eat anything?” She asked. Ashley shook her head. “Watching those two took my appetite away.” She said. She pondered for a second, then looked at her mother.
“Should it bother me that their cousins?” She asked. Her mom turned, sat down at the calendar, looked at her seriously.
“Does it bother you that their cousins?” She asked.
“Yea, no, well kinda. I mean. They are cousins. And I did date Brandon. For a minute. A second. But I did. And now Von….I mean. I’m not so much worried about it myself, but on the outside lookin in don’t that seem kinda dirty?” She asked.
“If it doesn’t matter to you, and it doesn’t matter to him, and it doesn’t matter to Cynthia and Jerome, and it doesn’t matter to me, then whats the issue?” Her mother asked patiently.
“Brandons the issue. What if it matters to Brandon?” She asked, her guilt starting to show. She expected her mother to say something, but when she didn’t Ashley continued.
“I mean, me and Brandon are friends in some weird twisted type way and I don’t wanna mess that up.” She said.
“The only way you going to prom with Arvon is going to mess up your friendship with Brandon is if he still has feelings for you or you still have feelings for him.” Her mother said patiently.
“Mom, you know I don’t have feelings for Brandon in that way anymore. I mean I just don’t know if he still has feelings for me that way. Everybody says he does, he acts like he does, but he hasn’t said anything, and I’m not gone sit around and wait. I mean, me and Arvon, it might not even be anything, so why would I risk my chance at prom just to save Brandon’s feelings? I mean he broke up with me, not the other way around, its not like I broke his heart.” She rambled.
“But you did a bit, I think.” Christina pointed out.
“No…..well I mean. Yea, I was mean to him, && if I could take that back I would but I still don’t think even being nice to him woulda saved it, he wanted me to be like, fake around him. He was always like don’t act smart, don’t be mean. Like he was basically telling me not to be me.” She shrugged. Christina shook her head.
“ You talk yourself through your own problems Ash. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about what other people think. Don’t think at all. Do what you feel.” She said. And then she walked out of the room.
“I’ma get bout sick of yall walkin out the room on me!!” Ashley called after her mother.
But she sat back down, and thought about all the stuff going through her head. Arvon, Brandon, Arvon, Brandon. Ugh. Whatever. That’s why she stayed single. Everything got complicated when boys came into it, even boys she really didn’t wanna be with that way. How had this nigga changed from, Oh that’s Arvon to this nigga that she might possibly actually consider having a relationship with. This shit was stupid.
She was tired of thinking about it really, but there wasn’t anything else going on. Or, there was too much going on and she didn’t wanna think about, which is why she made such a big deal about things that really didn’t matter.
“Ashby,” Brandon walked back into the room. “Hmm?” she responded. “You okay?” He asked. “Mhmm.” She responded. “You wanna come up and play with us?” He asked. She looked at him. Smiled. “Yea I guess.”
And they walked up stairs to the game room together.
