She didn’t wanna think too much about Brandon though, seeing how that was always a weird place to go in her mind. Yea, she’d liked him, but she’d known from the beginning that it wasn’t gonna last. He wasn’t mature enough, or maybe she was just too mature. But then she knew that wasn’t true. The people she really trusted could tell you she was silly and fun and she bursted into song and dance at the randomest times. That didn’t sound like a person who was too mature by her standards at all. She didn’t deny however that sometimes she was in very mature moods, and when she was in those moods, she needed somebody to be in those moods with her, or at least understand and respect those moods, and Brandon was not that person.
Or he hadn’t been, when they’d dated. But she had to admit that he had mellowed considerably since he’d been back. She didn’t know if it was enough, but it was considerable. When he’d gotten out of jail, she’d waited for an explanation as to why he’d broken up with her, or waited for him to try to get back with her. When she got neither, she’d drawn her own conclusions. She’d been too mean to him, he couldn’t handle it, he realized he deserved better than what he was getting so he went and got something else.
What he got was jail, some small part of her mind said, and she smiled out of plain spite. Then she forced herself to think about the matter at hand.
But what exactly was the matter at hand? She looked at the two of them. Why were cousins. First cousins. And she had already dated one of them, was she now seriously considering the other one? Was she that girl?
Wait fix that, her conscious screamed. You were not seriously considering him until he started seriously considering you. And if he’s seriously considering you than Brandon must be okay with that. And if he’s not then that’s between them. You only dated Brandon for a month, its not like it was a big thing. And Arvon, well you’re going to Prom with Arvon in June and its January, so you’re going to be involved with him a lot longer than you were involved with Brandon, even if you don’t take it any further than just being his prom date.
But something like guilt had crawled up and settled in her belly, and she knew she was gonna have to do something about that. Why is it no matter what I decide to do or who I decide to like I always manage to feel like a hoe? She thought to herself.
“Ashby,” Brandon called. She snapped out of her thoughts and gave him her attention. “Huh?”
“Where you interviewin at tomorrow?” He asked her. Where’s your interview tomorrow, she corrected in her head.
“Claim Jumpers at Clackamas Town Center,” she responded. She didn’t really want to be in this room with the two of them anymore. Her first instict was to tell them she’d be right back and just walk away, but that was a bad habit she had, one she was trying to get out of, so instead she just stayed in her thoughts, which was as much leaving the room as anything else.
“What colors you and ‘Von wearin to prom?” He asked. And she laughted. And so did Arvon. Jerome had brought that up sooo many times the week before that it had made both of them sick.
“Black and white?” Ashley asked, looking to Arvon.
“Ain’t the colors you wore to your Winter Thingy last year?” Brandon asked.
“Black an white’s good,” Arvon responded, “I got a tux already so that’ll work.”
“Yall niggas cheap as shit.” Brandon sighed.
“You got prom money?”
“I don’t see you putting no money up nigga.” Ashley and Arvon said simultaneously. Then they looked at each other and laughed some more.
Brandon looked from one to the other, then shook his head. “Yall weird.” He said as he took his pizza into another room, leaving them alone.
They were so busy laughing they didn’t notice him leave. When they did however, there was an awkward silence.
“Um…so you should probably know I can’t dance.” Ashley giggled, still in a pretty good mood.
“I’ve seen you dance, you dance just fine.” Arvon told her matter of factly. Ashley figured she needed to get accustomed to the fact that he looked at her when he talked to her. Right at her. And only at her.
“When- Where’d you see me dance? What was I dancing to?” Ashley asked disbelieving. She did dance. A lot. But she usually did it when nobody was watching.
“One of those nights you were staying over, you were in Amaiyah’s room with your iPod on all extra loud, and I was gone come in there and tell you to turn it down, but you were dancing, with your headphones in, so I knew you wouldn’t hear me even if I did tell you to turn it down.” HE said. She scoffed.
“So you just watched like a stalker?” She asked him, eyes slanting. He raised his hands in innocence.
“Only for a second, I mean, I’m a guy, you’re a girl, you were dancing, I was watching. But then I stopped.” He said, rambling, in the slow, cute way that Arvon usually spoke. This was the Arvon she was used to.
“Do you remember what song it was?” she asked him. She was tryna hide the embarrassment and move straight to the amusement but the shit was hard. She really couldn’t dance, she just did it anyway, like people who couldn’t sing, but did it anyway. She was noooo good at it && she hated when people saw her do things she wasn’t good at. She hated doing things she wasn’t good at in general.
“I don’t know what song it was. I heard it just fine but I’d never heard it before that night. It was something loud. && hyphy like. Like something Brandon would dance to.” He said, never taking his eyes off his pizza.
“You’re fat, you know that right?” she said absently, not even thinking about it, just saying it. He looked up at her, “what?” he asked.
“Nothin,” she replied, “I’m jus sayin, that when it comes down to like, dancing, like, in front of other like, people. I’m no good at it.” She said, changing the subject back.
“I don’t really see the problem. Just dance like you did in Mya’s room && you’ll be just fine. And I’m not fat.” He smiled at her as he left the room.
She sat there, on the chair in the corner of the kitchen, staring at the spot where he’d been sitting a moment before, wondering where the old Arvon had gone. Cus this new nigga? This new nigga was startin to get on her nerves.
