;& Whaaaaat????

31.12.07

2 blogs in one night like earnest?? The hell is the world comin to?
i'm in a mood
i wanna write
i haven't reallyyyyy written in a long time
Like somethin been blockin me
I mean i write that ol superflous bullshit
But not like forreal

So;; seein as technically it is the 31st, i'ma write out mii resolutions, && a whole lotta other shit thats gonna make ur eyes bleed from boredom cus this is mii blog so if i wanna write for 17 pages thass wuh i'ma do =]

Resolution Numero Uno [codename:: get on mii level] I'm tired of chillin wif/ talkin to ppl that ain't on mii intellectual level. I ain't tryna brag or nuffin buh [its not a lotta ppl on mii intellectual level] buh i'm not sayin u gotta be allll the way there, buh i mean nigga...ion wanna have to explain err word that come out mii mouth to you. I wanna kno that if i use a big word the whole conversation won't stop. Example:: You: Ashley go get that metal glass. Me:: Df nigga? Thass a oxymoron. You:: A Oxy what? Hell nah nigga we can't talk no more. I'm thru wif all that.

Resolution Numbero Dos [codename:: are you afraid of the dark?] i've spent bout 17 yrs of mii life scared of lil shit. && i've spent bout 17 yrs of mii life tryna prevent that lil shit from happenin cus i ain't kno wuh i'd do if it happened. And no matter how much i keep to miiself, no matter how many niggas i push away, or how many relationships i run away from, mii nigga i get mii heart broken anyway. So wuss the point? Spent mii whole life damn near dressin like a nun. Mii nigga i got raped ANYWAY so if i wanna occasionally show mii ass thass wuh i'ma do. Wuss the worst that could happen? You gone get the wrong idea? Well that would be major. If i gave a shit wuh kinda idea you had. Which i don't. Anymore. Spent bout 17 yrs of mii life scared of wuh ppl might think of me if i jus acted like miiself, now i'm tryna fix all the fucked up shit ppl think of me cus i spent 17 yrs tryna act like somebody else. I mean shit nigga if you gone hate me could u at least hate me for me? Not for some bitch i pretended to be to please you? Dh kinda bullshit. Nah nigga thass so 07. From here on out its Me all the time. Which means.....

Resolution Numero Tres [codename:: Live && Let Fuckin Disappear] Iss gone be a lotta friends gone. A lotta ppl i'm jus gone have to let slip. Like nah nigga no we can't chill cus ion needa be talkin to you. This ones gone be hard for me cus i hate bein by myself. I hate it. Real talk. But i'ma have to learn to love it cus niggas these days bullshittin. Tryna pull a good bitch into that bullshit and i can't have it. 08 is my year baby you don't even know. I been through so much and i'm so through with the drama and if i gotta sit in a corner all by myself to avoid yall random ass bullshit then thats the fuck i'ma do. I already told you its all about me so the hell i needa be fuckin wit you for anyway? Exactly. fuck around and get ya feelins hurt nigga this is a new year and i promise you it won't be the same ol shit.

Resolution Numero Quatro [codename:: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do u kno what that mean man] I, Ashley Bennett, Herby solemnly swear that by 01-06-09 i will be out mii mothers muhfuckin house. I will have mii own place, mii own job, mii own car. I will run on mii own schedule;; i will pay mii own bills, i will handle mii own shit. I still be on mii childish occasionally but fuck that nigga i'm grown. && Whatever i'm doin i'ma be doin it to the fullest cus i really ain't got the time to be doin it no other way, so u could get wit it, or you could get lost. But you not gone get in mii way thats for damn sure =]

Recap:: In 08 i will live everyday like its golden. For me, not for you or any gotdamn body else. In 08 i will not doubt myself, because i have everything i need to be where i want to be, i just need the discipline to make it happen. In 08 i will accept help when its offered by the right people, and i will not fear being by myself, because i'm a pretty damn cool person all alone. In 08 i will thank God for everyday because he didn't have to give it to me, and i will live my life in a way that will reflect his glory constantly.

On this the last day of 2007 i wave goodbye to an Ashley that was afraid, and say hello to an Ashley that's prepared for the world. Cus 08's mii year. =]

;& One More Day;*

Quiet as its kept boy i haven't really slept since the last time i slept with you
And when i do sleep all these thoughts of you [creep] through my dreams, don't know what to do
Cus the feelings so strong and i felt it so long life without you's so wrong don't know how i'll go on
Cus ur all that i need without you i can't breathe got me sinkin so deep i'm not the type to fein but

One more look, one more touch, maybe then i'll get enough
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you
Baby give me one more kiss, let me feel those lips
And then you won't be all that i miss
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you

I remember you would whisper in my ear and we'd both just disappear to our own world
Even when you weren't around thoughts of you would hold me down just so happy to be your gurl
And your touch was electric had my mind hectic
So well respected, no nigga would test it
And i was so lucky because you loved me
I thought we had it
Whatever happened?

One more look, one more touch, maybe then i'll get enough
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you
Baby give me one more kiss, let me feel those lips
And then you won't be all that i miss
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you

Is it my fault or is it yours
that we can't even talk no more
When i'm near you my heart gets sore
Can't stop remembering
All these memories
Like when you used to hold me close
And i swear you wouldn't let me go
Theres so much we didn't get to do
Got me wishin i was still with you so give me

One more look, one more touch, maybe then i'll get enough
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you
Baby give me one more kiss, let me feel those lips
And then you won't be all that i miss
One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you

One more day maybe then i'll say i'm over you.

;& I'm SPAZZiN Right Now;*

28.12.07

C.R.E.A.M [GMN] «: jANiEllE fREShh*: yea ight dis is nee nee. i was jus fuckin wid u guyz. see how long it took ur ass to figure dat shit out. =] see how it feelz to be played wid,

OH EM MUH FUCKIN GEEEEE

Mii nigga!!!!! lmaoooo i'm dyinnnnnn rii now. She qot all the lil shit i wanted. Pic in the dp;; first on the top friends;; all the lil shit that make a bitch feel special. And she PLAYED YOU!!! lmao you put yaself out and got PLAYED mii nigga. And she ain't play you in no ordinary way. Nahhhhhhh mii nigga she was fuckin wit you and ya homeboy at the same time and she was FAKE mii nigga!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! You will never understand how hard i'm laughin right now. Iss like.......well gotdamn. And now you sittin up laughin cus you thinkin that same shit i'm thinkin. OH SHiT. YOU GOT PLAYED.

Ahhhhhh jeeesziiis......i ain't even got shit else to say cus its gone get redundant but uh........

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA FUCKiN iDiOT. Hadda good thing && let it slip so u could give it all to a bitch that was gone play you. Cheaaaa laugh that shit up jus kno ain't nobody laughin wit you;; they laughin @ you mii nigga. At least I am. LAwwwwwddddd

DuEcEsZ

7 hrs later:: [hadda put a lil sumfin extra on the end] Chea mii feelins was hella hurt when u got wif her specially since i was spendin all mii time tryna figure out how i could make this shit work wif me and you;; && tryna stop talkin to you like u was a child and start treatin you how u wanted to be treated. I was workin on that. I [am] workin on that. And then to come back and see that shit? To see that it took you all of two seconds to decide that some other off brand bitch was worthy of all the shit i wanted but didn't have the balls to ask for? Yea that stung a lil bit. A [lotta] bit. But you was happy so i wasnt gone say shit about it. To nobody. I ain't even say nuffin to sam && sam kno fuckin errthing. And then to have her do you like that? I mean damn. Iss like;; well i mean this is jus what i think;; buh its like u didn't wanna do all that shit for me cus u thought i was gone play you, and then you did it all for her, and she was the one to play you. Ain't that bout a bitch? And so it highkey bothered me cus yea i fucked up buh i was always real wit you. 100% real. And i mighta hurt ur feelins buh i never lied. && i might notta been perfect buh i was steady tryin. And then to have you go and fuck around wit a fake piece a shit like that? After me? Thass a insult love. I exposed you to real and u went and fucked around wif lame. So yea that shit hurt. But i'm not gone rub that in ur face. Ion want you to feel like you always makin a mistake. You prolly won't never even read this blog. Buh if you eva do;; jus kno even after all the shit thats gone down i'm always gone be there for you cus i love you to death lil nigga and thats not somethin i kno how to turn off. I guess i'm outro for now tho. I talk hella too fuckin much. I think i'ma go on hushmode for a while. We'll see.

;& I Got Sumfin You Want;*

"I Got Sumthin You Want Shawtii? Thats Why You Gotta Talk Shit?"

Thass wuh Jazzi stat was the first time we got in a fight and stopped talkin. I think it fits pretty well now.

"-[JaZzi.BaBii]- YoU CaN NeVa Be Me SHawTii iz hurt..cuz her qf putz her 2nd 2 sum hoe..yes a hoe..ii said it nd idc..all ii want iz da love bak..but im not qonna qet it..so ill deal wiit it sumhow "

Ahhhh she set herself up lovely for this shit. Lmao normally i wouldn't even blog this i'd like slap miiself on the hand like Ashley stop bein so mean. [i been spendin too much time wif Sam] So now i gotta say all the evil shit in mii head. If i don't i might get an ucler, && i'm too pretty for that. =] So......

Stupid bitches entertain the hell outta me. I love the fact i gotta be a hoe cus shit goin wrong in her life. How you gone call me a hoe you get wit a nigga and break up wit em 6 hrs later? Df kinda sense that make shawtii i'm confused? Fill me in tho like real talk. Lmao chea whateva lemme tell you what you ain't gone do. You ain't gone say shit to me. You might do that same hit and run bullshit you did last time. Ol childish ass gone leave me a comment and then delete me so i can't reply;; and igg me on yahoo. Scary. Jus scary. So yea, if you feel the need to come speak to me do so asap buh don't waste mii gotdamn time cus unlike some people i'm fuckin grown suga && mii time is money. You ain't boutta fuck wit mii money thass the end of that.

Lemme jus put the shit to rest for the last time. Cus jus like Sammy i'm tired of talkin bout you;; you a waste of perfectly good blog space.

[YoU CaN NeVa Be Me SHawTii] <---- Don't nobody needa be you shawtii. See how quick you got replaced? pshka df wanna be you? Ur leftovers sweetie. So you can be you all by yo gotdamn self. Don't worry bout bein hated on or jocked or envied. Those are things only people of importance and class have to worry about. So count yourself blessed that you are not important or classy. I'm sure it lets you sleep better at night.

[2nd 2 sum hoe..yes a hoe..ii said it nd idc] <---- LMFAOOOOO welp...if i'ma hoe then obviously she like hoes cus she spent a helluva lotta time wit yo ass. Buh since ur already in that mindset jus stay in it for a minute longer, actually;; errtime u go to speak to me keep that shit in the back of ur head. Ur Second. Get it straight.

[all ii want iz da love bak..but im not qonna qet it] So shut the fuck up then ain't nobody got the time to be makin you feel better bout some shit. And you can't even act like i wasn't neva there for you when you was cryin, and i ain't make you feel better. Yea i been on that side of the line shawtii i kno how you get. So, jus the same as i'da tol u if we was still cool, if you kno u ain't gone get back to where u was stop dwellin on that shit. Move the fuck on. Obviously the shit wasn't meant to happen so take what you've learned and go better urself or some shit. Damn thats a concept for ya ass. Better yourself. Shit. Ain't that jus some shit to think about?

ANTYWAYSZ

thass the end. I'm tired of typin and i really hate bein mean so i'ma jus shuttup for now. Like i said;; it ain't like nobody gone step to me on some shit. You might think them hard thoughts but you ain't gone say shit;; thats for gotdamn sure. And even if you do df it matter to me? You on the other side of a computer screen nigga. I jus feel the need to let mii opinions out so that errbody kno where i stand on some shit lmao. thass all.

"I Got Sumthin You Want Shawtii? Thats Why You Gotta Talk Shit?"

lmao. damn.

[Disclaimer:: This is mii thoughts and emotions on the subject. You gotta problem wit it plz come see me. Don't get @ nobody but me about some shit you thinkin and/or feelin about me. Thats childish and completely unnecessary. If i'm wrong about something written in this blog please let me kno immediately but there will be no revisions. The End]

=]

;& Bullshit Promises;*

27.12.07

[its very unlike me to write two blogs in a night;; but i jus went thru half a bottle of jack daniels so i'm on one]

Real talk. Don't promise me shit. No more. Nobody. Ever. For the simple fact that there's never been a promise made in mii life thats been kept. Never. And niggas get mad when ion wanna hear they promises. I'ma start punchin niggas in the eye when they say babygirl i promise cus they lyin. And they might not know they lyin but that don't make it no less of a lie. And that don't make the hurt no less when i see that promise has been broken. So just don't say that P word round me no more. Cus i'm hella tired of hearin it. Seein it. Readin it. Thru.

I've decided that good natured honest people don't get not a gotdamn where in life. Nowhere. Nopppeeee. People thats actually nice and kind and caring is always strugglin. Its the assholes that get errthing they want. So i'ma be a fuckin asshole. You thought i was mean before? NOOOOOO SiR. Clear the fuck up out my way or you will get ya feelins hurt. Fuck the world and err gotdamn breathing creature in it. I'm here to get mine. The end. Have a very nice day. Yes this applies to everybody. No one is safe. No i'm not jus saying this cus i might possibly be a little bit drunk. When the last time you met a drunk liar? Hellll nahhhh ppl tell the truth when that liquor get flowin mii nigga and this is 100%. I"m hella tired. HELLLLAAAAA TiRED. Ion wanna be fucked wit no more. And if that means that i gotta fuck wit you to make sure nobody's fuckin wit me then so be it. The guard comes down for no one. Can't trust you. Don't matter how trustworthy you've been. Can't trust you. I've trusted before. Shits overrated on sooooo many counts. So fuck that bullshit. And fuck you. And fuck your family. I hope all yall die in a freak electrical fire. Less niggas i got to worry bout screwin me over. Cus its all.about.me.

Hmmm..otay thass wrong. lookin over that paragraph i'm realizin that its.....3 ppl thats safe from the wrath of the new and improved evil ass Ashley. 3 ppl. Thats it. They should kno who they are. They the ppl thats gone read this and get in mii box like are you okay? [DO NOT read this and get in mii box like are you okay if its some shit totally uncharacteristic of you. i ain't got time for no gotdamn fake people. Alwaysz tryna prove that they a real friend all extra muhfuckin late. Nigga we is not friends. Nigga i do not like you. Df you need me to like you for so gotdamn much anyway? I hate you. Deal with it. Move the fuck on. Jesussss].

*sigh* Anywaysz. I'm goin back to mii damn liquor now. Cus people is irritatin and alcohol really isn't. Lmao i'ma be a alcoholic can't yall tell? [pssst;; no i'm not. i hate the taste i only drink when i'm reallllll upset] buh yea. i'm kinda giggly. Kinda pissed. Watch what you say if you feel the need to speak to me. You might get snapped on. That'd spice up ur night there wouldn't it?

=D

;& Ex Boyfriends Are the Best;*

26.12.07

l0lz so even tho mii christmas gift sucked [i got a battery for mii laptop] mii christmas was actually pretty damn good. after christmas dinner i went to mii play aunty house and mii ex boyfriend was there. And ion really kno how the hell it happened buh it turned out errbody else had somewhere to go, so it ended up bein jus me and him at the house. And then [ain't this bout a bitch] it starts snowin, and ion like cold for shit. So i wasn't gone leave or nothin. So we jus chillin at the house watchin movies and talkin. And he tellin me bout this gurl he feelin and how she got a dude buh he think she might be somebody he could forreal talk to so he just gone wait it out. And i tol him bout the whole situation wif brandon and how i ain't really kno wat i was doin no more so i figured i ain't need a man for the moment, && it was whatever you know i was just gone fall back on the datin scene and let that shit go. And you kno usually people be like nah Ashley don't give up that ain't the way to go, and shit like that. But nah this nigga [who's name is also Brandon 8-|;; iss wayyyyy too manyy a yall niggas] was like thass exactly what you needa do. He said i gotta bad habit of gettin wit people jus so i could be wit somebody;; knowin they no good for me, and then tryna turn em into sumfin thats good for me, and gettin mad when it don't work. And i'm thinkin, thass exactly how it be happenin. He said i can't ask nobody to love me. I gotta find somebody thats gone do it without invitation. And so we talked about that for a while and his gurl Simone and it was chill he jus hadda good ol fashioned time eatin leftovers and watchin tv and chillin.

And then we was watchin a scary movie for some dumb ass reason cus this nigga know he scary as fuck lmao. And somewhere in the middle part this nigga gone be like Ashley i'm scared hold me. So i went over there and gave him a big ol hug, and this nigga, knowin i'm small, jus gone grab me and turn me around so now we spoonin on the damn couch, and he won't let me go. Buh he was comfy so i wasn't really trippin, he gave me a lil massage and we talked some more and then the movie went off and we was still talkin and iono when the hell it happened buh eventually we both jus fell asleep in that position like some old ass lovebirds lmao.

And then at some god awful hour in the morning people started comin back to the house. And they couldn't be normal and jus wake us up. No these niggas hadda talk shit while we was sleep. Talkin all that awwwwww looka them they all in love again and all that other shit. And so this nigga woke up all bashful and shit && he woke me up kissin me on the cheek and whisperin mii name. So they was talkin moreeeee shit. And you know how you don't even be thinkin some shit until other people start talkin bout it? Well there you go. So the rest of the day now me and this nigga lookin at each other again like hol up the fuck was all that that happened last night. And we was walkin to the store and he was like I had jus forgotten how much of a down ass female you were, and how much i enjoy talkin to you and kickin it wit you, and how you feel in mii arms. And i was like [:">] buh you kno ion believe in makin the same mistake twice and i jus tol this nigga i was leavin niggas alone so i'm not the type to rush back into a relationship that ain't work the first time [even tho thinkin back on it, iono wdf went wrong the first time]. Anywaysz....we chilled the rest of the day and let errbody talk they shit buh i aint' wanna spend the night again cus of the way the situation was startin to look so i took mii lil ass home buh i'll prolly go back tomorrow cus it was jus hella fun to be there.

Moral Of the Story:: I had been spazzin a lot the last couple days. Jus cryin && feelin like errthing was goin wrong and i couldn't do shit about it and nothin wasn't ever gone be right for me again. And jus like havin someone to jus stop what they were doin and actually look at me and listen, and then hold me for a minute and say errthings gone be okay. It made me feel hella better. And so now i feel better. Like i could face the world again cus i got errthing i need. I got mii friends && i got mii family and i got the good sense god gave me && i'ma be alright =]

The End.

;& So its Like This;*

23.12.07

At Night I Think Of You. I Want To Be Your Lady Baby
Yea i'm talkin to you
It irks me sumtimes.
Its like u in this "relationship" wit her
Buh all you doin is babysittin.
Errtime some shit go wrong you gotta go clean up after her.
You gotta make sure she feels loved, and safe, and protected.
You gotta make sure that she knows that somebody cares about her
And make sure she knows that she's worth loving.
But boo when its time for it to be about you
Where's she at?
I'm not sayin i kno errthing i'm jus callin it like i see it.
I'm sayin you better then the situation u puttin yaself in.
And i know yall been together awhile
And i'm just sayin i hope you don't let the fact that yall been together for a while keep you in a relationship you don't deserve to be in
Cus baby you deserve soooo much better.
And all i'm sayin is what i've been sayin from the beginning
I wanna be everything that she's not
And i wanna give you every little thing i got
Cus you are more than i could ever need
Thats why i think you're truly my destiny
I'm gonna get ya
If it takes me until forever
No you don't feel me
If forever turns into never
I'll let you kno my feelings are just that strong
And for you
Never just ain't that long.

Chea. You ain't know i felt this deep. I ain't tell you. Thats on me. I'll be patient tho.
Don't let this change nothin in a negative way. I'm still me and your still you and we're still us.
=] the end

;& I dun like you [u just make me really horny]

20.12.07

Cheaaaaa

So this quy i've been talking to off and on for a while randomly asked me out a few minutes aqo. ppl on yahoo catch feelins quick yo. I mean like...its one thinq if its forreal, like if they're deep emotions ur havinq for the other person....buh niqqa. All we talk about is sex and psycholoqy. [yes ma'am its a helluva combination]. And since thats all we talk about I don't see how its possible for you to have deep enough feelinqs to consider havinq a relationship wif me.

Which brinqs me back to a thouqht i've had for a while now;; kids these days dunno df relationships are. Relationships aren't like movies. See with a movie, you see the preview a couple times, and if its mildy interestinq to you, you qo see the movie;; && worse case scenario, you don't like it. You jus wasted maybe 10 dollars and 2 hrs of your life. Woopty do. You can't do that shit wif a relationship. You can't see a person, be midly interested, and decide that you want to be in an exclusive relationship with them. And expect it to be a mature and fully functioninq relationship. Relationships are exactly what you put into them. So if you put into your relationship a bunch of immature and dysfunctional decisions, how the hell do you expect to come out of that with a mature a fully functioninq relationship? Its madness.

Relationships are more like.....houses. You can't see a house when you drive by it and be like oh shit i'm in love with that house. You don't know shit about that house. That house could've been the crime scene for 67 million serial killinqs you wouldn't know from fuckinq drivinq by it. You wouldn't know from drivinq by it a few times. You wouldn't know if you passed by the shit every fuckin day. You have to go inside the house, look around the house. Learn about the house. You have to have patience and trust that the house isn't qoinq anywhere [cus ppl make lotsa lousy real estate decisions cus they think the house they want is qonna sell too fast]. Anyways, you have to take your time finding out everything there is to know about your house and thennnn you buy it.

Important Note:: People stay in houses for years. The Lonqest movie in existance is sumfin like 8 hrs.

So which relationship are you in?